Update 2019

Somehow I got to looking at old blogs and wondering what happened to people I used to follow. Blogs seem to be declining as more and more people use Instagram and Facebook to share their stories, but for things like this, I prefer the relative anonymity that a blog can give you. I wouldn’t want to be posting infertility stuff on my personal Instagram or Facebook accounts! Anyhow, that made me think a little about posting an update, 4 years after my last post.

Birdie is in 4th grade, J is in 1st and the little surprise is 4 years old and in preschool. Things are good. We are crazy busy with school, swimming, piano lessons, girls scouts and other stuff. The kids are growing so fast and getting so big. Birdie will be ten(!) In December. It’s scary how quickly the years have gone by.  I am acutely aware of how lucky we are to have surprise child (I will call her G). I’m trying to soak up every moment with her.

I’m not going to lie though. She was a very high needs baby. She was an absurdly terrible sleeper and cried so much. She’s 4 now and much easier though still intense. But I’m still twitchy and exhausted from a decade of sleep deprivation. But, she is funny, creative, dramatic and adds so much to our family.

I’m also struggling with chronic migraines. I get 10-16 migraines per month, and it has been miserable. I have tried so many things. Elimination diets to find triggers, chiropractor, acupuncture, preventive meds, physical therapy, triptans, vitamins and supplements, ice packs, caffeine, you name it. I’m seeing a neurologist and in a more stable place currently, but it sucks to be barely functional at least a third of the month. Then over the summer, the one medication that used to help stop a migraine once it started, began to give me scary side effects. Chest heaviness and tightness. I had taken it for at least ten years with only mild, annoying side effects, but now I can’t take it at all because it makes me feel like I’m having a heart attack. It just sucks. My house is cluttered, I’m barely keeping up with  things, and I feel like I’m failing as a mom. On days that I’m really feeling awful, I can’t do much besides rest with ice packs on my head and neck. It sucks for my kids and husband. I’m going to keep trying different things, but it is incredibly frustrating. 

It feels very odd to have three kids after infertility in a very fertile Midwestern town. I try to be very open about our struggles, because it’s hard here. People here tend to marry young and start popping out babies. Many families here are 3, 4, even 5+ kids. I share our story because who knows what struggles someone is going through.

I found so much support in the blogging community while going through fertility treatments. I owe a huge thank you to Mel from Stirrup Queens for facilitating a wonderful community of bloggers!