Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | October 17, 2012

3 months old

Well, 3.5 months. Baby J is getting so big now. He is growing and changing so quickly. He is smiling and laughing and grasping things, holding his head up better and is usually so happy. A few weeks ago, we stopped using the nipple shield. The first week or two was pretty rough and painful, and honestly I kind of wished to go back, but now his latch is better and I don’t have to wash those damn things and keep track of them anymore. I never realized how much milk leaked out of his mouth because of the shield until we weren’t using them anymore. I used to have to put a waterproof pad down when I would nurse him side lying, because there would always be a giant wet spot where the milk leaked out from his mouth or the shield. Now I keep a larger pad under him, but that’s mostly in case of pee or poo leakage. He still doesn’t like the car. He cries probably 75% of the time in the car. I do not understand that. Most babies like the car. Is the car seat no longer comfortable? I am re-using Birdie’s Chicco keyfit infant car seat. It seems fine. I hope that as he gets older he will be more amused with toys or his mirror.


Birdie is so much more grown up than just a few months ago when he was born. She is far easier to take places, is generally more agreeable, and is so damn smart. She is completely not interested in potty training, which is stressing me out. She will be 3 at Christmas, and I know she could do it, but pushing her, even gently, was only ending up in resistance, so I am totally backing off for the time being. She first went pee on the potty over a year ago! I have video of it on my phone and she loves to watch it, where we dump the pee into the toilet. She has several books about the potty (Potty, Big Girls Use the Potty, My Big Girl Potty), she loves to watch the Signing Time dvd about potty training, called Potty Time. Before J was born, she would sit on the potty before or after bath every night (of her own choice) and often she would go. As more and more of her friends are potty trained, I am getting more anxious about it. There are classes she can start at 3 (gymnastics, swim, preschool…), but only if she is potty trained. She is not the kind of kid you can force to do anything, so I am just hoping that she will decide soon enough that she is done with diapers.


She is still ridiculously tall. Last time we measured on her growth chart, she was 41.5 inches, and 37 pounds. She is almost too big for 5T clothes. 5T shirts are a little short on her (she has a long torso). 5T pants will be fine once she is not wearing diapers I think.


I have been having some issues with postpartum depression. I am on antidepressants, but my primary care doctor is a bitch and I need to find a new one. The last time I went to see her a few weeks ago to follow up on the ppd, she snapped at me for questioning her about something and she actually said “YOU AREN’T LISTENING TO ME.” Really? Because I think it was the other way around. She is a fucking bitch and the only reason I stayed with her this long is because she didn’t have a problem with prescribing metformin for pcos. I mostly saw my RE or OB the last few years anyway, but I have had it. I left the appointment in tears and will not go back. Way to treat your depressed patient! Make her cry more!

I requested help from a local organization that pairs up families with new babies and a volunteer that helps with the baby or housework or older siblings. It is really an awesome idea, but they had been overwhelmed with requests this summer and didn’t have a volunteer to match me up with, so that didn’t work out. I feel like things are getting better as he gets older and a little easier and I am getting a little more sleep, but I feel overwhelmed a lot, and then I feel like a shitty parent and that I don’t deserve to be a mom.

S had to travel again for work for the first time since J was born, and he was gone for nearly two weeks. My mom came to visit for the first week, but then got the flu and that ended up stressing me out more than being alone would have. My aunt came the second week, and that was much better.

It is hard because they rarely nap at the same time. This is the first time that has happened in weeks, so I am taking advantage of it to catch up on blogging. I really miss this place, and I need to take time to do things for me once in a while. I feel so sad that this babyhood is flying by so fast, because I will never have  another tiny baby to hold. I am so, so thankful that he is here though.



  1. I’m sorry you’re having trouble with PP depression and adjusting. I hope you find a new doctor, because that it not cool 😦 Your little guy is so cute! I can’t believe how big him and Birdie are getting.

    Deep breaths momma. You are doing awesome, just hang in there.

  2. So glad to hear from you! He is adorable! Lol, my oldest is still stubborn as all get out and will only do things on her timeline 🙂 Hopefully Birdy will want to go on the potty soon especially if she gets to join big kid classes 🙂

    Your doctor sounds like an asshole! I hope you’re feeling better. The first 6 months with two kids was so, so rough for me too. My DH would travel for a week at a time and I was exhausted. Now C is 18 months and E is 5 1/2 and things are a million times easier.

  3. I feel for you on the depression. My life is so much better now that I don’t spend my days feeling like a failure, and I’m sad I missed out on so much of Michael’s first year of life due to the depression, so I hope you are able to work through it quickly. Make a call and set up therapy appointments. Having the time to talk to someone about you problems can really help. Just having an appointment on the calendar can be something to look forward too. And consider seeing a psychiatrist to adjust your meds.

    I don’t know if you have an option like this around you, but I would hear a lot of people refer to “mother’s morning out” stuff when Michael was a baby and I never figured out what this was. I’d even ask the people that mention it if they knew what that was and they never seemed to know. Finally, when I was researching preschools for Michael I found a MMO group. It was through one of the churches and a very affordable option for a few hours a week. I only wished that I had found it 2 years ago. So if you need a break like that, perhaps do some digging and you might find a easy group to use like that. Getting ‘ME’ time is essential.

    My nephew was like Birdy in the PTing dept. Loved talking about the potty but wouldn’t sit on the thing for any reason even though it was clear that he could control his bladder. He finally trained the month before he turned 3 (he had to or he wouldn’t be allowed at preschool, how’s that for pressure?). I know the mess is intimidating, but have you tried just putting her in undies and letting her wet herself? Most kids find that unpleasant enough to encourage quick potty training. To be perfectly honest, potty training is a giant headache, but it is SO worth it. It will seem like it takes forever, but in the end, you will wish that you did it months ago.

    Michael was one of those babies that hated riding in the car. In Michael’s case, I’m coming to believe that he has a sensory processing disorder and this was actually the very first symptom of it (the ride home from the hospital is was when I first started to wonder what was wrong with my kid) . I don’t want to scare you or infer the Baby J has an SPD, but it has made it easier for me to accept all the anxiety and sadness that I felt every time we had to take him somewhere by realizing that their was something wrong but it wasn’t my fault. In fact, I think Michael’s SPD actually contributed greatly to my depression, because I always felt that something was off about him but couldn’t place it and everyone acted like I was nuts. So figuring out this missing puzzle piece of SPD has actually helped me to heal a lot of the negative feeling I’ve had about Michael and all of his high needs behaviors. So again, I don’t think Baby J has an SPD, but perhaps there is an explanation you will come to realize about him that will help you deal with difficulties like this. Think of it this way, you just met him a few months ago, you still have so much to learn him, it may take a long time to understand some of his behaviors and what you need to do to help him.

    Good luck, I hope you get some more time to blog soon!

  4. Baby J and Birdie are so beautiful! I hope you’ve found a new doctor now. I’m still struggling to find the right pedi for Davie, and we’re struggling with potty training, too. Davie wants to wear panties so bad, and she’s great about telling us when she needs to potty – right after she goes. *sigh*

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