Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | April 6, 2011

settling in

We have been in the new house for a little over a week, and things are finally starting to calm down. The house itself is great. It is so spacious and much nicer than our old cramped condo. Many things are still in boxes, and I’m wearing the same four outfits over and over because all of my clothes are still packed. Looking in the pantry nearly gives me an anxiety attack, because S put shit on random shelves so he could reuse all the boxes. Balsamic vinegar is next to cheerios and cans of beans are mixed in with baking stuff. Cat food is next to diapers which are next to the waffle maker. It looks like a tornado hit the kitchen.

But, BUT, I cannot really complain because we HAVE a pantry! A place to actually put stuff (even if it is totally disorganized)! Our master bedroom is enormous, even with the king sized bed in it. How is it that it looks way bigger now than it was empty? I can actually lie on the floor and do crunches without hitting my elbows against the wall and bed. Not that I am doing many crunches or exercise at all lately. The house is everything we hoped for, and we are so happy with it. Birdie has progressed with her walking so much in just the last week, because she actually has space to walk.

Not everything is going perfectly though. We have a TON of work to do to put the old place on the market, and a rapidly dwindling amount of money to do it with, and who knows how long it will take to sell. That is causing some stress. Birdie has been extra clingy, which is not surprising given all of the changes happening to her lately and the third damn molar that is coming in. It makes it difficult to get anything done. We did not have internet or tv until a few days ago because I put off calling comcast because every time I would try to call, she would cling to my leg and screech like a pterodactyl. Boy have I missed the internets! I can read blogs on my phone, but I can’t comment. I have been reading along with everyone and I have so many posts to catch up with comments on over the next few days. I have missed  you guys!

The in laws watched Birdie on the day of the move for 6 hours and a few hours here and there over the past week or two, and I think they are worn out. Their house is not babyproof at all, so they spend the entire time she is there chasing her and saying “no don’t touch that stack of books” and “no don’t touch that glass figurine”. I don’t understand why they won’t either a) watch her at our house or b) make one of their rooms relatively baby safe! S and I had planned to do a lot of the painting and fixing things at the old place ourselves, but it is seeming like his parents are not up for watching Birdie for several days, or even half days. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, because they don’t have to babysit at all, but I am wondering if I should look into some short term childcare for Birdie. But, I don’t think that would go well at all, with her separation anxiety being so intense right now. And really, how cost effective would that be? Cost of childcare plus the stress on Birdie would probably be more of a pain than just hiring painters. I know it will all work out somehow, but I have this enormous to do list running through my head all the time and it is giving me nights of shitty sleep and migraines.

Speaking of Birdie, she is doing some funny stuff lately. When she gets mad, she protests loudly, screeching and then blowing angry raspberries. It is hard not to laugh or react when she does it. She is making some new signs – dog, fish, and more. She isn’t really talking though. I plan to ask her pediatrician about it tomorrow at her 15 month checkup. Should I insist on a hearing evaluation? She has had a number of ear infections. She started saying “cat” in the fall, but now she doesn’t even say that anymore. She is walking and walking and walking all over. She has her own cabinet in the kitchen and she puts all kind of random things in it. She now will bring a book to you and crawl in your lap for you to read it, but her attention span is about two pages long before she gets up and gets another book. She is extra cuddly lately, which is so nice because she was never a cuddly, snuggly infant. We are still nursing in the morning and at night, and sometimes at naptime. She is obsessed with pinching me, mostly on my chest and neck when I rock her or nurse her. Sometimes she is gentle about it and sometimes she leaves red marks. I suppose it is better than her biting me.

I have found myself lacking patience lately. I should be ridiculously happy, and I am, but I am also exhausted and snippy at times and stretched so thin. There is just no time to do anything to renew myself. I haven’t even had time to take a bath in the new tub! Every night I think oh, god I need to take a nice hot bath and pour myself a little glass of wine, but something always gets in the way or Birdie fights sleep and I am so tired I just fall into bed and then toss and turn thinking of all the crap that needs to be done and all the bills that need to be paid. Mel’s post today really hit home for me, as did Amanda’s last week. I need to figure out how to be a good mom, a good partner, a good friend/daughter/sister, a good blogger, and be inspired and make time for myself to relax so I can do all of the other things without going crazy.

At the breastfeeding support group I used to go to, they went around the room and made you introduce yourself and say one thing that you did for yourself this week. I thought it was hokey at the time, but I found myself thinking during the week that I needed to do something for me, just so that I would have something to say when it was my turn. Maybe I need to do that on my own, and be accountable here. I guess, for today, it would be writing this post. Blogging helps me stay sane and feel connected, and it has made me uneasy to be offline lately.

So, what did you do just for yourself this week? I need some ideas!

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Responses

  1. gah, I hope you can get some of the stuff straightened out so that you can sleep and enjoy your new house some more 🙂 moving sucks, but when you’re all unpacked and organized, it’s going to ROCK!!

  2. You’ve got so much on your plate right now! I don’t know how you’re doing it all! I do the SAME thing – I lie awake at night while my brain tortures me with lists of things that need to be done and bills to be paid. Then it tops off the restless night with guilt trips about how I need to be a better mother, daughter, wife, employee and all around person. It sucks.

    Nice thing for me this week so far: shaved and washed my hair while baby girl napped. Of course, she woke up before I could dry my hair, so it looks worse than before I washed it, but it feels better. 🙂

  3. Oh – most important! – Congrats on the new house! 🙂

  4. I really hear you about the moving stress. We are trying to sell our house now (we’re doing this first since we have no idea when it will actually happen), for sale by owner to save some $, and it’s so stressful. We had an offer this week but it fell apart on inspection (unrealistic first-time buyer and super anal inspector). I hope yours sells super fast!

    I also hear you on needing some alone time. I have been making plans with friends at night once a week (while hubby stays home) — even just to go grab one glass of wine — which has really recharged me. Try to make it a priority to arrange even one nice thing for yourself, like a pedicure, massage, coffee with friend or that bath, even once a week. I think you’ll find it makes a huge difference!

  5. so glad you’re in the new house!! i honestly wouldn’t be worried about birdie’s talking, louise is just starting to say doggy and midnight (the name of our daycare provider’s cat), and if you weren’t me or her dad you wouldn’t even know she was saying anything.
    and what have i done for myself lately? i started going to counseling last week and on sunday i went to sleep at 3:00 in the afternoon and i didn’t get up until it was time to get ready for work on monday morning at 6:45.
    regarding the daycare, i know some people are totally anti-daycare, but louise really enjoys her daycare. at least i think she does, it’s not like she can talk and say “i love daycare!” but she’s always happy when i drop her off and sometimes she cries when i pick her up! i think it’s good for her learning how to socialize with other kids, and back to the subject of what do i do for myself… i WORK for myself. i sure as hell don’t do it for the money, because we pay almost the same amount that i make for daycare, but i like my job and getting out in the “world” everyday is REALLY good for me. not everyone needs to do it, but i do. it’s weird, i always thought i’d want to be a sahm, but boy, was i ever wrong.

  6. yea! new house. um…have you thought about using a student to help out with birdie? like a college student. specifically (imo) a nursing or education student. if you’re where i think you are (giggle) there’s a pretty decent sized school that probably has a kid who wants to earn a couple of bucks. they could just play with birdie while you do house stuff. maybe walk her around the neighborhood, go to the park, play blocks in a room that is not being painted…stuff like that. i personally like nursing students b/c they are “trained” in basic first aid and cpr. just a thought.

    i would definitely ask the doc about the talking. i think that mine said 5 words for 15 months. i found that i was not using the right definition of “word”. if it is a sound that they say consistently for something, it counts. also: M and T used to say “belly” pretty well….then totally stopped. i couldn’t get them to say it at all. now they’ve started saying it again, but it almost sounds like baby. that doesn’t make me feel very good when they point to my belly and say baby!! lol. my point is that i think they get bored with stuff that they know how to do and want to move on to something else. but i would ask about it. but then again….i like to come up with stuff to worry about!

    something for me? hmmm…i suppose exercise counts…but i wish there was something more i could write down. i’m too frugal to spend money right now. i’m too lazy to schedule apts to get my hair done. it’s all i can do to try to get back in shape (finally). lol.


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