Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | February 19, 2010

8 weeks, 6 hours, and thrush

Baby Bird is 8 weeks old already. It is incredible how fast this has gone by. It has been nearly TWO MONTHS since her birth. One sixth of a year. While it is great that she is growing and changing, I am feeling a bit stressed. I should really be out of maternity pants by now! I should resume cleaning the house! I should actually write all the thank you cards that I have been delaying beause “we have a newborn and this shit can wait”! I should get my ass to the gym! I should resume personal care like plucking eyebrows and shaving legs and possibly even think about having sex with my husband (yeah, no we haven’t gone there yet). I should be coping with life a lot better.

Instead, I am still overwhelmingly tired, I have been doing battle with blocked ducts, lingering nipple pain, supply problems, and now THRUSH. Yes, I have a yeast infection of a kind I thought not possible. I feel like I’m at war, the breastfeeding war, and I am so goddamn stubborn that I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I WILL KEEP BREASTFEEDING BABY BIRD IF IT FUCKING KILLS ME. Yes there have been times when the stabbing, burning, literally make-me-cry pain has made me want to give up. Then I think about how this is probably my only chance to breastfeed, to have this connection, to keep nourishing my miracle baby. I think about how my heart just melts when she stops fussing and latches on and her little body relaxes. I think about nursing her in bed, pulling her little feet close in and snuggling with her while she gets drunk on milk in the dark. I think about when she finishes nursing and she stretches like a little old man, with milk all over her cheeks. I can’t give up. It has to get easier at some point, right?

I went to my primary care doctor today, and she thinks I have thrush. She prescribed nystatin cream to put on it, which is not that different from the all purpose nipple ointment I have been using for two weeks already, which has nystatin in it. I’m boiling the shit out of everything that touches me, my breasts, and the milk. I’ve had to pump on the right side the past two days because it is way too painful to have her latch on, even with the nipple shields. Boy is that a pain in the ass. I feel like I am constantly feeding or pumping or washing and sterilizing all the pump parts. Many women are back at work at this point, and I can barely function enough to leave the house two or three times a week.

Baby bird needs to be treated for thrush too, so we don’t pass it back and forth. She goes to the doctor for her 2 month checkup next week. All I can think about are the shots. Oh, I already want to cry when I imagine how she will scream from the shots. I wish I could make S take her, but I want to be there to soothe her and nurse her.

The nice thing is that she is getting more fun. Way more smiley. Starting to coo. Sleeping a bit better. When my aunt was here, she slept for 6 hours straight one night! And then the next night, I swaddled the hell out of her and she slept 6 hours again. Of course, I was up every two hours pumping because of a blocked duct, so I didn’t get 6 hours of sleep, but still, it was great.

Here she is, 8 weeks and smiling:

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Responses

  1. She is just adorable!

    If thrush is similar to a vaginal yeast infection, it might help for you to go topless. And to cut back on the sugar in your diet.

    Baby Bird is cute as can be!

  2. What a gorgeous smile!
    Sorry BF is so horrible. I hope I get lucky and don’t have the same miserable experiences, but I’m not betting on it. Thanks for posting the gory details though – it’s helpful to know what could realistically happen to us too!

  3. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Make sure you pump all the way on the blocked duct and kinda massage it while you do it.
    Thrush should go away pretty quickly. You can also rub a little breastmilk over your nipples and let it dry because it has antibacterial and antifungal properties. And the nipple shield may actually be prolonging the soreness. If you can nurse through the pain for about a week (I think), they should toughen up. Also, I notice with my littlest, he sometimes tries to latch incorrectly and I have to correct him, making sure he gets the whole aerola in and not just the nipple. It happens mostly at night when both of us can’t see to great. But if I let him, the soreness starts to build up again.
    And totally cut yourself a break on the thank yous and the gym and all that. You are caring for a newborn! That is your job.
    It will get better. at 6 months she’ll be sleeping more regularly, the breasts will have figured out the feeding schedule, your hormones will start to regulate again (allowing you to feel more normal and for the weight to finally start to come off) So hang in there. You are doing a fantastic job!

  4. Ah, she’s so cute!

    I feel the exact same way about BFing. I truly think bottle feeders are missing an entire side of their baby’s personality. It is so satisfying seeing him break his latch and give a big satisfying sound that translates to, “Oh, Mommy, that was good!” I have milk stains on my tops everyday, but totally worth it. I hope the BFing gets easier. A few days of pumping did a ton to help me. Be diligent with the nipple ointments… it’s too easy to skip applying it but you need the help healing.

  5. Oh, and don’t put breast milk on them to help them heal if you have a yeast infection… the yeast will just feed on it.

  6. Gorgeous 🙂

    Sorry about the thrush, hope it clears up soon.

  7. Me again – just nominated you for an award. Don’t feel obliged to write everything up for it, but I thought you should know your blog’s appreciated!

  8. um….omg. that’s the cutest pic ever. it makes it worth it. like when i went into the nursery last night to find my little man wide awake, kicking up a storm, and cracking himself up. how can you NOT just smile?? 🙂

    that totally sucks about the breastfeeding thing. why can’t *something* just be easy? seriously? come on!

    and did you guys get a new bout of snow? it started snowing yesterday here and hasn’t stopped. um….yeah…can’t quite understand it. 😦 makes me want to cry!

  9. Beautiful smile!!! I hope that breastfeeding and the thrush gets better.


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