Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | November 9, 2009

the dreaded 3-5

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be turning 35. Ugh, how did this happen? It seems like just yesterday I was drunk on a beach in Mexico turning 30. How have the past five years gone by in a heartbeat?

Now I get slapped with the advanced maternal age label, more gray hair, and the sad physical signs of getting older. I’m not a vain person in the least. I’ve never been a pretty girl or very high maintenance, so I shouldn’t be too concerned with the signs of growing older, right? Why is it now bothering me that my hands are starting to look like witches hands, increasingly veiny with dry elephant skin? Silvery hairs popping up in between visits to my hair stylist? Fine lines around my eyes? It disturbs me that I am starting to care about these things. I’ve always wanted to be one of those sassy, vibrant, kick ass women who grow old unapologetically, that are still out digging in their gardens in their 80’s, and traveling to new and strange places until the very end. I have a feeling that those women don’t worry about dry skin, fine lines and gray hairs.

Tomorrow will pass with no big celebration. I have a couple of boring appointments, and then in the evening we are meeting up with our doula because it was the only time that worked this week to meet her.ย  Then FIL is having a big surgery the next morning, so all energy will be on him and his recuperation for the next good while (as it should be).

I don’t really normally care all that much about birthdays, but this is a big scary one. I don’t want a big party. The greatest gift I could ever have is kicking my bladder right now, and it is wonderful. The trip that S and I just took was kind of my birthday present, and that was great. I don’t know why I’m feeling so blah about this day.

I guess maybe I’m feeling a little lonely, because not many of my family and friends have even really mentioned my birthday coming up. If it gets forgotten, if no one sends a card or calls, I will be pissed. My mom told me yesterday that she was still trying to come up with an idea for what to do for my birthday (way too late to send anything across the country in a day or two). My own mother can’t even pull it together to do anything for my actual birthday.

What I would like is for someone to sit with me and remind me of all the beautiful things that getting older brings, none of which I can think of right now.

I think sometime this week or next, I’ll try to schedule a massage, and maybe a pedicure, and treat myself to a new pair of shoes that might actually fit my ever expanding feet this winter.



  1. Well, I’m a ways behind you in pg weeks, but only 16 days away from the big 35. Joy oh joy. I don’t do much for birthdays any more. Some good takeout while I lie around at home would be great. Can’t think of present ideas for DH. A healthy baby in 2010 is all I want. Mom will come visit with cake and a little present 2 weeks later, so I’ll look forward to that. Hopefully a couple people will send an email, and that’ll be enough!
    Happy bday!

  2. Happy Birthday!

  3. A massage sounds like a wonderful gift to yourself! I know, it all bothers me more than I thought it would, too. Maybe that’s why I want a baby so much – to keep me young! You’ll have a little piece of youth of your own very soon!

    And Happy Birthday!

  4. blah! it’s just a number, right?? but i totally get it. grays i can deal with a little better than the BLACK hairs that have been creeping into my blond hair. i find them when i’m breastfeeding and my hair falls into my face a little bit. i don’t want to be that vain person either.

    my opinion?? well groomed feet: pedi and new shoes. those two things cure all ๐Ÿ˜‰


  5. happy Birthday! What I do like about getting older, is the perspective I have. I can look at things and understand them much better than I could when I was a callow( and flexible- sigh) youth.

  6. Happy Birthday!

    Don’t worry, Baby Bird will keep you young! And you’ll know more and have had more wonderful life experiences than her peers’ mothers. And those fertile young girls will probably secretly envy you and the life that you have lived. Oh, the irony.

  7. Hello there. Have no fear on the big 35..I am 39 and all is still wonderful ๐Ÿ™‚

    Little Annika is doing awesome. Changing all the time from day to day. Just amazing to watch her. She is our true blessing and even though I am sleep deprived, I am as happy as ever ๐Ÿ™‚ lol

    Hope all continues to go well for you over there. When is your actual due date?

    Take care. Talk to you soon.

  8. It sure sounds to me like you are getting older and wiser! Happy birthday!

  9. Stopping by to wish you a Happy Birthday! I agree, it’s crazy how time goes by so fast.


  11. Happy Birthday!!

  12. Happy Birthday! Try to do something nice for yourself, and I hope someone (all of them) remember.

    My family forgets mine often enough, and my in-laws don’t even know when it is… so I know, it sucks. I mean, you may not want a big shebang, but you want people to at least acknowledge it.

  13. I’m one day late but I hope it was a hapy one and that all the right people remembered.


  14. 35 was a hard birthday–I agree. Perhaps because the age is drilled into our heads as women. Sending birthday wishes.

  15. Okay, I’m back with the birthday gift you requested. Good things about growing older:

    (1) knowledge. In your mid-30s, you’re not still trying to figure everything out. You know that going out in a pair of sweatpants doesn’t matter and you know what does.

    (2) care–I think I care more deeply about things with this older age. I can see how much small things mean now.

  16. Hope you had an enjoyable birthday.

    I don’t think that reflecting on what’s changing about you, even with slight sadness, means that you’re not/won’t be kick ass! If you didn’t notice the changes you wouldn’t be a smart, self-aware, thoughtful person. It’s what you do next that counts, it’s totally possible for you to notice the stuff you’re not keen on, shrug (you’re 80, you’ve already thought it through, it doesn’t worry you) and go out and get on with that digging.

    Good things about ageing? For me self-knowledge and a little more confidence which helps me kicj some ass when necessary. Also an understanding of vulnerability, mine and that of those around me which has, since the IF kicked in, coloured my relationships in a really positive way.

  17. Happy 35! I turned 35 in August. I hated it too, but its just a number and doesn’t define you. For me, its been not caring much what other people think so much, and being kinder than I was to myself in my 20s, and knowing that you are awesome just as you are.

  18. The good thing about turning 35? To those of us who are 40, you’re still a baby! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I think the best thing about wandering into this new demographic is that you can let go of the idea that you HAVE to be as fresh and youthful as an 18 year old. You can be whoever you are, and now that you’re a little older, you have a better idea of who that is. It’s very freeing to realize that you are an adult, who makes her own decisions. That you are no longer bound by what your peers think you should do, but only by what is best for you and your family. That if your mom can’t get it together to send you a birthday present in time, it’s about her personality and lack of planning, not her feelings for you.

    As everyone else has said, age brings wisdom.

    Happy Birthday!

  19. Happy birthday! Massage and new shoes sounds like the perfect way to celebrate yourself and your body.

    I have had the exact same feelings about my aging body, especially my hands.

    Happy birthday again.

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