Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | June 25, 2009

walking into Motherhood

Um, so I was getting desperate. I’ve gained a good ten pounds over the last year of fertility treatments (damn clomid and comfort eating), so my summerish clothes that fit fine last year, well, they don’t fit so great now. Add to that the creeping expansion of my lower abdomen, and the humid midwestern heat that I’m still not used to after living here for nearly three years, and you get a sweaty mess, with uncomfortable waistbands and one very grumpy, bitchy Bird.

I really needed some clothes. I knew we had a lot of driving ahead of us on our trip, and I wanted to be comfortable. I had ordered a couple of things from Gap’s maternity line, but they hadn’t arrived yet because I was too cheap to pay for express shipping. I had looked online and saw that one of the Old Navy’s in town has a maternity section, according to the online store locator. Great. I can go into an Old Navy and browse around until I have the balls to mosey over to the maternity section.ย  Not too scary. But, it turns out that their maternity section consisted of two small racks of random things. Nothing useful or in my size. Great.

Motherhood was just across from Old Navy at the mall. I walked past it a couple of times, and my heart raced. Do I dare? Will I jinx this pregnancy by going into the big M store too early? If I wasn’t so fat, I could have pulled off wearing normal clothes for a while longer. Yes, I tried a Bella band, but for some reason, my skirts would bunch up and twist and end up pissing me off. Unbuttoned pants plus the Bella band required me to pull them up every five seconds. I am already tall and most of my shirts are not quite long enough to cover unbuttoned pants plus the Bella band. I needed some shirts especially.

Finally, after walking past the store like fourteen times, I took a deep breath, walked in and started looking at some shirts on a table. The bouncy salesgirl comes up right away. No, I don’t need any help. I’m just looking around, thanks (thinking the whole time – LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE LADY).ย  I looked around for a while, grabbed a few things to try on, and calmed down a little. There were two other customers in the store – friends in their 20’s, one of them is pregnant, and one has a baby in a stroller with her. While I try on my clothes, I hear the skinny pregnant girl in the next dressing room complaining about how the smalls are just too big! Why don’t they make extra smalls? It’s so hard to find maternity clothes when you are a size ZERO!ย  Fuck you skinny bitch.

In a way it was good. It got me less focused on the fact that I was trying on maternity clothes and more annoyed at the universal experience of dressing room irritation with overhearing either stupid or skinny people, or both. No offense to skinny people out there – it just makes me feel even worse about myself when some tiny girl is complaining about being a size zero.

In the end, I bought a few things. It did not kill me. I did not start bleeding then and there. I didn’t get struck by lightning.

What did nearly kill me was the endless offering of clubs and deals and college savings credit cards. Offers of free parenting magazines and coupons and asking my due date, and free gift bags. I wish I had come prepared with a note that I could pass to the sales lady that said:

“I’ve lost a baby before. It took us a year of very expensive and invasive fertility treatments to get here. Plenty of things could go wrong. The baby could be dead right now. Please just let me shop in peace and quiet and don’t offer me anything that will come back to haunt me if I should indeed lose this baby. Do you have any idea how it feels to get coupons and catalogs and reminders after your baby has died? Please don’t ask me any questions. I’ll come to you if I need something. Thanks.”

Now that I think about it, it would have been a good idea to bring a note like that.

In all, it wasn’t that bad, and now I have a few things to wear. I think I’ll try to do the rest of my shopping online though.



  1. I think you deserve a t-shirt that says, “I Survived My First Visit to Motherhood.” I’m glad you went there…I am finding that when I actually do these things that I might otherwise think would “jinx” me, I in fact feel better about things — it gives me optimism. I hope this shopping trip did that for you…at the very least, I’m glad you’ll be more comfy.

  2. Woot for new clothes/clothes that fit. I seriously think they hire obnoxiously bubbly people to work at those stores ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. […] is the original post: walking into Motherhood ยซ birds and squirrels google_ad_client = "1010046166874842"; google_ad_width = 336; google_ad_height = 280; […]

  4. Glad you finally went in! I thought I would be struck by lightening the first time I went in! It gets easier. Really.

  5. (*HUGS*) Glad it went okay, all things considered. I completely understand your worries hun.

  6. i felt the same way the first time i was there. if b wasn’t with me i don’t think i would have bought anything!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I still have not ordered anything online. i keep looking at things. esp bathing suits. I want to swim at the gym. nothing major, just something to be there and use my damn expensive membership….but i don’t want to jinx anything by buying something online.

    just so you know? i’m in larges of maternity clothes…and i’m only 22 wks. i’m not sure what i will do later. also for the record: the smalls NEVER fit me. oh well.

    the place in napa is ubuntu. i think you can see an example menu online. it was good ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. damn skinny Ho’s

    glad you survived buying maternity clothes! ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Times like that make me wish I could fart on demand. Just let one go and waft it in their direction. Then I could shop with a smile.

    I am glad you went and shopped. I have stubbornly refused to buy new clothes for three years because I only want to buy maternity clothes. Yes- I look like a wreck, but I just can’t commit to buying a bunch of non-maternity clothes.

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