Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | June 17, 2009

not enough information

My husband and I are out of town for the week. He had to go to this city for a business trip, and we happen to have some friends who just moved here, so I came along too. The trip has been going well, except that I have suddenly become somewhat car sick. I have never had a problem with motion sickness. I could always read  and do crossword puzzles in the car, no problem. Seasick? Never! Go on the same crazy rollercoaster ride ten times in a row? Sure!

Sunday though, I was knitting in the car. We were on some curvy back roads. I’m not sure which factor caused the nausea, but suddenly I felt really ill. REALLY ill. Enough to get out my nifty Red E Bag, just in case. (Note: this thing is awesome. When the morning sickness first hit, I looked all over the internet for “sickness” bags, because part of the problem is my anxiety about where do I vomit if I suddenly have to, and I have little warning with this sudden nausea. I ended up buying this thing, which looks like a canvas lunch sack but has removable liners for getting sick into. I carry it everywhere with me.) I didn’t end up vomiting, but I felt atrocious for the next hour or so. Over the next few days, we will be driving on some more curvy roads, so I will get to do some experimentation about motion sickness. If anyone has any tips, please, leave a comment.

Today, S got out of his work thing early, so we spent the afternoon with our friends, their super cute 3 year old, and their completely scrumptious 5 month old baby. We went to the zoo and out to dinner. After dinner, I discovered that I had gotten a voice message from my OB’s nurse. All she said was: ” Hi Birds, this is _____ from Dr. _____’s office. Your nuchal test came back normal. Bye.” No numbers, no levels. No adjusted risk for Down’s syndrome. Nothing. Just “normal”.

This is not acceptable to me. I mean, I’m glad it’s “normal” but a whole lot of shitty tests have come back in the “normal” range, but they aren’t normal. Like the day 3 FSH I made them do two years ago at age 32. It came back that I was not menopausal (duh!), and I got that call from her, with the cheery “Normal”,  but it was actually quite elevated for my age and for fertility and that is what sparked my entrance into the fertility treatment world. Like the semen analysis. The count was good, motility was average, but morphology was super fucking shitty. Nobody bothered to call me with those results for 3 weeks, so when I finally called, this same nurse read the results to me. “Um, oh, yeah, let’s see here. It says abnormal. Ok, bye.” I’ve had to fucking pull teeth in order to get levels of any sort of test out of her. She should know me well enough by now. Over the past two years we have played phone tag many times over this same sort of shit. This may just be the last straw, and reason enough to find another OB. I fucking hate her.

Have I mentioned that I’ve been really moody? I miss my cats in a terrible, irrational, weepy sort of way. I thought the nausea was starting to go away, but at 12w 4d, it’s still lingering, though less intense, and for less of a portion of the day.

I’ve been having a bit of a hard time with posting.  Here I find myself apparently knocked up, but I feel somewhat reluctant to always be posting about the pregnancy, but that is all I think about. Up until now, I feel like I have been pretty pessimistic and uncheery about things, and that has made it easier to post. But as more positive thoughts creep in, and as weeks tick by, I’m actually starting to think this might be happening. I don’t want to cause anyone any pain by seeming *happy*, but I am starting to feel happier. I know things could still go to shit, but the farther along I get, the more hope creeps in. Previously, hope mean inevitable disappointment, so it feels very strange.

Mel had a post up a couple of weeks ago about blogging through a life transition, about thinking of yourself as a diarist and using your blog to write about what is going on with you. I guess that is how I should think about this blog. This is our journey, and I want to keep documenting it.



  1. I want you to keep documenting it 🙂

    I hate it when I get results back from the doctors, and they don’t bother telling me the numbers. Or better yet, the policy of some doctors offices to not call if everything is “normal” It’s frustrating. I’m totally with you about calling them and asking.

    Sorry about the motion sickness kicking in. Have you tried those wrist bands they sell for motion sickness? I know my friend wore those with her first pregnancy for morning sickness in general.

  2. I really want you to keep documenting it too! I started reading you in February after my first miscarriage (I had another one a couple of weeks ago) and am loving hearing about your progress through this pregnancy. It doesn’t matter to me that you’re no longer (fingers and toes all crossed) in the same boat as me, I just enjoy reading about your experiences and emotions as you go down a path I hope to go down too one day.

    Use your blog however you want to – those that no longer want to read might stop, but you’ll attract new readers who like your refreshingly honest style. Keep writing 🙂

  3. The only advice I can offer you on the motion sickness is to know your limitations. Clearly you found one the other day… probably best to not test them anymore for a while either. A lot of people take Dramamine, but I doubt it’s a good idea during pregnancy.

    At least she didn’t leave you that message saying “abnormal”… I know you aren’t completely comforted but it, but it looks like their aren’t any obvious indicators of DS. That’s great!

    I absolutely think that you should share the happiness too. What’s the point of doing this if their isn’t some joy in it. Only talking about the bad and never the good isn’t the whole story and while you get to decide how much to share, their’s nothing wrong with being happy.

  4. Please keep writing, IF is so isolating, it has to be weirder to be a pregnant infertile. I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable around normally fertile women.

    Be yourself, life is change.

    I get carsick every once in a while, and fresh air helps along with Mister not driving like an a-hole.

  5. Also, that nurse MUST know how you are by now, she is being passive aggressive. If I can work in a book store and wait on hundreds of people a DAY and remember what my regulars like than that jerk does too and is just tormenting you.

  6. I have perpetual motion sickness, so I’ve got some assvice for you:

    *NEVER read or knit or do anything else in the car. Just look out the windows. Seriously.

    *Drive, don’t ride. This probably helps me the most. Something about being in control of the car’s movements, and knowing what’s coming seems to help.

    That’s what I’ve got for you. Hope it helps. I’ve dealt with this my whole life and am extremely jealous of people who can read in the car. I guess that’s what books on cd are for. 🙂 Good luck with everything.

  7. You absolutely must keep documenting! It’s not as if once you get a positive pregnancy test all of the angst just disappears…this is a process and yes you’re on the good side of the process now but that doesn’t mean you don’t need support. We are glad to keep supporting you, and for those of us who are lucky to be on the same side of the fence with you, your insights are very reassuring — I feel that I’m not alone in not being all blissed out 100% of the time.

    As for the nausea — maybe those wristbands they sell?? I have no idea if they work — just wanted to acknowledge this lousy symptom.

  8. Re. car sickness, sea bands really work for me when I fly or have to ride in a car on twisty roads. You can find them lots of places.

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