Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | June 12, 2009

12 weeks, first OB appointment

I’m not quite sure what to think. I wasn’t thrilled with my doctor, nor was I pissed off enough to decide to find another one immediately. He’s a nice man with a quiet voice, gentle manner, and big ears. He brought a medical student (male) in the exam room who rocked back and forth from one leg to the other. The student made me nervous and I eventually asked him to leave when my OB started the physical exam. I know that medical students have to learn somehow, and I was fine with him there listening to me ask all my many questions, but I did not want him there for the pelvic exam, nor was there any way in hell I was going to let him practice his speculum technique on my pregnant lady bits.

My doctor was not overly reassuring. I explained what happened in the ten months that I’d been at the fertility clinic, and how this cycle was a total fluke, that somehow Femara worked after three failed injectable cycles. I explained that the RE had recommended moving on to IVF with ICSI, but I asked to try Femara anyway, and it worked. He did not seem suitably impressed. I told him I was a nervous wreck, with the miscarriage and the whole infertility ordeal. He basically said that there are no guarantees, but that we have made it to 12 weeks, and that in itself is huge. We discussed the NT scan a little. I wanted reasurrance about the measurement (1.8), and finally I pulled out of him that he would be concerned if it was over 3, but that we need to wait for the combined results. He said my chances of having a baby with DS is about 1/300 based on age alone. If the combined results come back still at 1/300, he would recommend doing an amnio. I don’t know how I feel about that. I do not want to lose a healthy baby due to the procedure itself.

I can stop the prometrium now. He also wants me to stop taking baby aspirin now, because I’ve never been proven to have any clotting disorders (though I’ve not been tested at all). The baby aspirin and the Femara were the only things different this cycle, and I wonder if I do have some sort of clotting issue. It apparently takes so much for me to be able to get pregnant, and while I realize that one loss doesn’t mean another is inevitable, I do worry. It’s not like it’s easy for me to get pregnant and I should just wait it out to have three losses before testing for reasons why. I’m a little scared to stop the baby aspirin, because what if that is what helped this time? What if I stop and something happens to the baby?

He’ll let me stay on metformin through the entire pregnancy if I want (which I do). He will not give me approval to rent a doppler. He did easily find the baby’s heartbeat with his doppler though. It was very nice to hear the heartbeat outside of an ultrasound! He will not see me any sooner than 4 weeks.

I joked around that I’m hoping this baby doesn’t go very late because I’d really like a 2009 tax deduction. He was not amused. He said “Do NOT ask me to induce you early. I will not do that”. Um, it wouldn’t be early. If I didn’t go into labor until December 31st, that would be 41 weeks, and I’m sure I would get nervous about that too. A close family friend’s baby was stillborn at 41 weeks. Her doctor wanted to induce, she refused because she wanted to go into labor naturally, and her baby died. Her whole family was devastated, she was an absolute wreck, and her marriage did not survive the fallout. That scares the shit out of me, the idea of getting to the end and losing the baby.

Of course I would not want to do anything medically questionable for a few extra bucks on our tax return, but really, in all likelihood, this baby will be BIG. It’s already measuring 5 days ahead, my husband and I are both very tall, and having PCOS predisposes me to gestational diabetes and big babies (which I am trying to avoid by staying on metformin). I can’t imagine that letting me go much over a week late would be a good idea anyway. We know the dates for sure. It’s not like we don’t know when I ovulated and therefore could be a couple weeks off on the due date. We know pretty much down to a couple of hours when ovulation took place.

Oh, the other thing that I don’t like is that there are ten OB’s on staff at the practice and the only way you get your own doctor to deliver you is to have the baby when he (or she) is on call or is in the office during the daytime. He said about 50% of the time, patients get delivered by their own doctor. I asked if I could meet some of the other doctors in case one of them ends up doing the delivery, and he said no. They used to do that when it was only 5 doctors, but when they merged their practice, they all decided that would be too much hassle. I can see that it would be difficult, but what is the fucking point of selecting a doctor when it’s very likely that a complete stranger will be catching your baby? I wouldn’t mind it so much if I could meet them at least once before, but apparently I’M NOT ALLOWED TO.Β  I don’t like that.

So, I’m not thrilled. But realistically, it’s a pain to switch doctors. What if I go to the hassle of changing practices and I hate the new doctor too? It is going to take an extraordinary OB to make me happy, and what if I can’t find that? I got one recommendation from my husband’s pregnant coworker, who seems to like her doctor, but she’s a normal, healthy pregnant person and has no problems whatsoever. Plus she said their ultrasound machines suck. It’s also farther away than my current doctor.

Another option is my husband’s college roommate. He is now a general practitioner across town and he delivers babies. He is a great guy, and I like him a lot personally, but the thought of him seeing and putting his hands in my vagina really creeps me out. Plus, it’s not his specialty. He is DO, not an MD, and I don’t know how much risk he likes to get involved in. It’s not like I’m considered technically high risk, but still, I am not your normal, average, run of the mill pregnant lady. But maybe if I see him I might have a little more pull because he knows us. Maybe he would be more likely to make himself available to deliver our baby even if he’s not on call because he is our good friend.Β  I’m sure he doesn’t have an ultrasound machine in his office, but maybe that means I would get referred to a specialist for the next ultrasound.

Ugh. Too much to think about. I think I’m going to go take a nap. The great thing is that we have made it to 12 weeks! The baby is alive and doing well! I’m very happy about that.

Oh, and to be clear, about yesterday’s post – I am not ready to go buying baby things anytime soon. I just don’t know that I want to wait until the baby is born to be doing all of the deciding. I like to really research things and compare. We could probably keep some things at the in law’s house, but they are pack rats and have limited room. Plus their house kinda smells funny. I’m very weird about smells, especially now that my sense of smell has been kicked up a few notches.

And he does talk to the baby every night before we go to sleep, which is very cute. Last night he was telling it about our cats. I think perhaps my expectations are a bit too high, and I am very emotional currently. It doesn’t take much to bring me to tears these days. I will take some time to figure out what I need from him and then try to have a calm conversation about it. Thank you guys for listening to me whine and for giving me some great advice.

Celia, that’s a great idea about finding something for S to do for Baby Bird. I like the music idea. My darling husband has an enormous music collection. I’m talking about 5,000 cds in racks in our basement, so perhaps I should challenge him to create a playlist ofΒ  the 50 songs that we should be introducing our baby to. He threw himself into making the playlist for our wedding, so I think he might really get into that. I’m sure there would be some Metallica on it too. Have I mentioned how happy my husband has been since Guitar Hero Metallica came out?



  1. Congratulations on this huge milestone! 12 weeks — so great. I am sorry your new doctor wasn’t fabulous…hopefully someone can recommend someone else that might be a possibility. After going through so much, we deserve to have doctors who listen to us and give a rat’s ass about our histories! Anyway, try — I said try — to enjoy this time…you have come so far and are doing great!

  2. 12 weeks! Hurrah! Dude, I heard you get like 3 grand as a tax rebate per child.

    I actually looked all over trying to find out what the rebate was because I wanted to factor it into our “celia stays home’ budget. I was all over the damn internet and every parent I asked wouldn’t tell me. I found three grand. I think . Hopefully that’s right. I would hat eto think all those Breeders are stoked over like two hundred bucks.

    Sorry, I was on a freakin QUEST to find out.

    Anyhow, that is good that the appointment went ok, but I truly hope you get a doula.

    Mister LOVES Guitar Hero Metallica. My favorite metaliica song is their cover of Whiskey in the Jar.

  3. I have been a long time reader and had always wondered if you had thrombollia issues, actually. It still amazes me that doctors make women wait for 3 miscarriages before they would do the clotting panel. That is simply heartless. It’s just a blood test.

  4. I’m so glad things are still going well! Stay strong and healthy Baby Bird πŸ™‚

    I understand the worry about the delivery – it does seem difficult to find the perfect OB. I have a 0% chance of our doctor being there for our delivery, because we don’t even deliver at the same hospital (figures, Kaiser).

    Are you SO excited to stop the Prometrium? I felt like throwing a party on Tuesday when it was my last day.

    I’m go happy when I read your updates and see that everything is going well with the pregnancy. Hang in there!!

  5. One of my good friends switched OBs three times when she was pregnant…she was very happy at the end, because she found a doctor who respected her choices and was a little more of a hand holder.

    Happy twelve weeks!! That’s huge. πŸ™‚

  6. WOOT FOR 12 weeks!!! Glad to hear that the baby is healthy and strong!!

    honestly, if you aren’t thrilled with your doctor i would switch. i hesitated for weeks with my pregnancy until it got to the point where i was a mess before and after my appts. I ended up switching at 34 weeks. I loved my new OB. She didn’t deliver me (the hospital has the ob doc on call deliver) but i didn’t mind. i looked forward to going to my appts with my new doctor.

    Seriously, you’re going to remember every appt and everything you felt, i would try to find a doctor who is reassuring and listens to your concerns. It’s your pregnancy/baby/dime.

  7. I have the same thoughts you have on the baby asprin… I had 2 follicles and tons more sperm last cycle and didn’t get pregnant and add the baby aspirin and *POOF* pregnant! Totally freaked about quitting. I hope that it was just your time and had noting to do with the aspirin.

    Celia recommended to me to get a doula the other day too, and initially I wasn’t interested, but I’ve been thinking about it, and I think it might be a good investment in my sanity. No matter what dr. you end up with, there will be someone in the room that only cares about you AND knows what they’re doing (cause S cares about you, but he won’t have any better idea than you probably). I think it might just be a good idea to have an advocate around for when you are too tired to think straight anymore. Definitely something worth considering.

    12 weeks! Yay! And no more progesterone! I’m so envious!

  8. I’m nervous to stop the BA too. That and Femara were the only things different about my cycle as well. Ugh!

  9. I am a BIG doula advocate. After seeing how my Mom was treated by the medical profession I really feel every patient should have an advocate. But especially in birth, because they treat you like a number.

    I am not trying to scare ya babe. But a doula will help ensure you have your best birth- it’s a standard of care you won’t get any other way.

    Kind of like having a BF that knows everything about birth and hospitals and cheers you and fights for you. Like a Mom, but no nagging. πŸ™‚

    I have done a TON of research for years on birth, because women’s studies is one of my interests.

  10. Yay for 12 weeks πŸ™‚

    Sorry the OB practice doesn’t seem the best… ungh. I noticed it’s hard to find a good ob/gyn though, so I completely understand the hesitation to looking for a new one. Hang in there!

  11. Congrats on the 12 week mark. That is a huge achievement and you should be feeling wonderful about it (though I understand apprehensively so). πŸ™‚

    As for the OB, definitely switch. There are plenty of doctors out there, and with something this big, it really is important to have the right fit. I switched after two appointments with my first OB because her bedside manner was horrible. So glad that I did!

    Congrats on the pregnancy and good luck in the remaining 28 weeks. πŸ™‚

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