Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | June 12, 2009

11 w 6d

We had the nuchal translucency scan yesterday. It was nice to get to see the baby again so soon. My first abdominal ultrasound ever! It was nice not to have to take my pants off for it. The baby did not want to cooperate though. I went in with a full bladder (as instructed) and the tech looked around for a while but couldn’t get it in the right position to  take the measurement. She had me empty my bladder and tried again and got it right away. Things look good, but it will take a week to get the full results back. We got to see the baby move a lot and wave it’s arms around. The heartbeat is still high, around 170, and it is measuring 4 days ahead. At one point the u/s tech had me cough to try to get the baby to shift. It was so amazing to see it move when I coughed!

I was hoping that S would be really interested in the ultrasounds, but he just kind of shrugs and says that he can’t really see anything. He was there yesterday, holding my hand or playing with my hair, and he paid attention, but he didn’t seem overly excited about seeing the baby. Maybe he will get more excited once he can start feeling the baby kick. I’m not sure what I expected, but his reaction doesn’t really make me feel very good. I didn’t expect him to cry or get super emotional or anything, but damn, at least show some interest.

Later, he actually asked me “Do I have to come to every ultrasound?” I explained that from here on out, I will probably only get one more ultrasound, the big one at 18-20 weeks, where you can find out the sex of the baby, and I said I certainly hoped he wants to be there for that. I think he understands that yes, he does need to be there. I don’t need him to go to all kinds of boring office visits with me, but the big ones, yeah.

A couple of weeks ago, we were talking about baby stuff and when to start looking at it. I was still in my pessimistic mind frame at the time, and I mentioned that some people don’t buy anything until the baby is born, particularly those in the Jewish faith. He seemed to like that idea, and mentioned it a couple of times later, that we should wait until the baby is born to buy anything.

Somewhere along the line, my mind frame has shifted. Sure,  I still have the occasional Dead Baby Thoughts, but in general, I’m starting to believe that we could get a real baby out of this, in six short months. I found myself feeling kind of hurt that he doesn’t have faith that the baby will be okay. I NEED him to believe that everything will be fine. For once, I don’t want him to agree with me and my negative side. I want him to say “Hey that’s silly. We should be ready in case the baby comes early. The last thing we will want to do in December with a newborn is have to go buy all kinds of baby supplies during a snow storm.” Normally, he is the non-worrier and I get irritated when he doesn’t understand why I have very good reasons to worry. I guess we have some things to figure out.

I have my first OB appointment tomorrow. It feels strange, to finally see The Doctor, after having seen my RE several times, met with my OB’s intake nurse, had an urgent ultrasound due to cramping and spotting, called about a 3 day long migraine, and had the NT scan. I hope it goes well.

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Responses

  1. While it i s not cool to generalize, I really do think it is different for men. A lot of the reading I have done about pregnancy after IF says that men will not be as connected because they are trying to stay separate in case something goes wrong and they need to be strong for you.

    I know my husband was not affected by our m/c. He took care of me, but it just was not real to him yet.

    I think you should tell him that you want to treat this pregnancy as though it will be successful. I don’t know a lot, but I know for SURE that when I want something I have to tell Mister because otherwise he just does not know.

    Is there something he already likes to do that he could extend to getting ready for Baby Bird? Like, does he enjoy electronics and maybe wants to pick out the monitor system?

    I am going to have everyone burn a cd with their favorite songs and play them for teh baby while I am in the car. Maybe a mixed cd of songs that are important to him would help. Believe it or not, I am planning on including Metallica in the mix for our baby.

    There is a company called Rock A Bye( I think, I’ll double check the name) that makes lullaby versions of pop songs. So they have Metallica and Green Day and the Beatles, all kinds of stuff.

  2. Yeah, it is Rockabye, they have Queen, and Nirvana, and The Eagles(ick), and No Doubt. So fab not to have to listen to The Teddy bear Picnic.

  3. I think Celia has some great advice about S. It kinda surprises me too that he wasn’t more interested. Do you all spend much time talking about the baby? Every night before we go to bed, I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut cause I’ll go on for a half an hour about things I’ve thought about that day and we’ll talk about them. I think it’s helped for him to understand where I am with all of this and gives him an outlet to talk about things or at least become aware of things he should be thinking about.

    If you have close by family or good friends you could maybe store all the baby stuff at their house till it arrives to avoid bad ju-ju. If you did decided to keep the baby purchases down, you probably at least need to have a car seat purchased and know how to install it.

    Personally, I think it would be very hard to put off the buying till after birth, I try not to think about it too much right now, but, I think that’s probably one of the more fun parts of pregnancy (especially after you find out what sex it is). And the nesting drive might take over and any resistance to purchase baby gear may be futile at that point.

  4. C.’s kind of the same way. I try to get him excited about appointments and he says, “Do I have to go to all of them?” I really think for boys it’s just not as real.

    I’m the same way about buying baby things…I’m starting to get tempted to look, but I want to hold off just a bit longer. Maybe somewhere around 30 weeks I will feel confident enough to start shopping 🙂

  5. I hope that your first OB appointment is exceedingly reassuring and/or boring. I bet you’ll get at least one out of two. 😉

  6. Glad the appointment went well, sorry about S. I also think it’s different for guys, I know my husband was totally affected different by the pregnancies/miscarriages than me.

    But I understand how upset it must make you feel for him to act so nonchalant about it. I probably would have started a fight in the car… that’s me. I bicker.

    Maybe there’s something else going on, like some type of fear about the pregnancy, self preservation mechanism, fear of finances and life changes… I mean, I know with infertility you would think there wouldn’t be any fears, since you’re trying so hard for it, but they’re are. Especially after you spend so long thinking it isn’t going to happen, and then bam. It does, and life changes. I would suggest just calmly talking to him about it, once you have time to sift your own feelings, and see if there is something else going on there too. Let him know how you feel, but don’t press it too hard.

    But, it could be that this is just how he’s choosing to process it. Guys are so weird. But, I say that if it’s really hurting your feelings, you should talk about it with him.

    Just my opinion though, and I could be wrong.


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