Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | June 6, 2009

11 weeks

I am 11 weeks 1 day now. I hate to say it, but the hope that things might actually continue going well has started to ooze into me. It’s slow, like cold honey, but it’s moving. I’m starting to realize that holy shit, I might actually need to start thinking about maternity clothes in the not so distant future. Clothes are starting to feel tighter, although I’ve actually lost about 5 pounds from the morning sickness. I’m starting to feel a little better, and goodness, in a week or so, I might be able to stop shoving prometrium into my lady bits twice a day. Always pantiliners sales will plummet in my town.

I had to fight with the nurse in order to schedule the nuchal translucency scan. I don’t see the doctor until next Friday, at 12 weeks. The week after that, I will be out of town. The NT scan has to be done within a certain window of time, so when she called to say my doctor had looked over the ultrasound pictures and everything looked fine (which I already knew because I was there ), I asked if I can schedule it for next week. We went round and round, with her saying that the doctor needs to “counsel” me on it before it can be scheduled, and me pointing out that they WON’T LET ME SEE THE DOCTOR UNTIL 12 WEEKS. I asked if he could see me sooner, or hell, even take the time to talk to me over the phone. Eventually my bitchy persistence paid off and it ended up getting scheduled for next Wednesday. Another ultrasound so soon! It’s exciting, but also I feel bad, like it would be better to space them out a bit, but the circumstances do not allow for that.

If things go well with the NT scan and the actual OB appointment, when do we start sharing the news? 12 weeks? 13 weeks? 13 weeks 3 days? Never? I don’t know if I will ever feel ready, but there is a part of me that wants to stop keeping things secret. There are some family members and friends that I really do look forward to telling. And do we open up about our experience with infertility? I kind of always thought that I would be open about it, should we be so lucky as to get pregnant, because I’m tired of IF being such a hush hush thing. Maybe if we share our experiences, we can help someone else who is going through it privately and thinking they are alone. Then again, I feel awfully fragile and easily bruised, and I don’t know if I could handle some of the inevitable criticism that comes with discussing IF with ignorant fools. Any thoughts or advice?

Advertisements

Responses

  1. There is no wrong choice Bird. I think it might be more of a question of are you ready for people to treat you like you are pregnant?

    What feels right to you? Maybe take some time to imagine some of the reactions that would trigger your anger or sadness and prepare some responses?

    What does your husband want to do?

    I am hoping if it happens for me that I can keep it a secret as long as possible. Because I really, truly cannot stand being around normally fertile women and I think I would be very defensive if I got lumped in with them.

    Whatever you decide, no one can steal this joy from you.

  2. I have plans to tell people about IF in the same breath as I tell them about the pregnancy. I don’t know why it’s important for me to combine the two, but this journey has shaped my existence and my social interactions for more than two years. Announcing the pregnancy feels like an end to that chapter, although I know it will always be part of me.

    As to when… you’ll know. I bet it’s soon… in the next two weeks or so, but you’ll know.

    So happy for you that you’re knocking down milestones like crazy. Nice work lady!

  3. i’m 19 wks and still don’t feel comfortable telling people. i suppose it just all feels weird. i’m at the point now where i really can’t keep it a secret, but it still feels like it is way too private. some people know that we did ivf. i’m not advertising it, but if people ask, i am very open about it. i just feel like there is some type of stigma attached to if and treatments, you know? maybe i’ll get over it at some point. who knows.

    glad you got the nt scan scheduled 🙂

  4. Seriously…will you come and be my scheduler? I’m not even sure what an NT scan IS!! I’m so impressed htat you are getting another u/s so soon…..the OB appointments are spaced out too far…I always feel better after one, but when we end the month and get closer to the next I start freaking out again.

    I’m 16 weeks, and I’ve only told family members and really close friends….I think that after the u/s I will tell everyone else….

  5. I am so glad that cold-honey hope is starting to trickle in for you. It gives me hope too. As for telling people…I have become more open about IF and feel like I will tell people if there is a natural opening, but not make it this automatic thing that I tell people, hand-in-hand with the other news. You should do whatever feels natural to you…trust your gut! You are doing great — cheers to more and more milestones passed!

  6. Ahh, hope. Congrats on the 11 weeks mark. I am so freakin’ happy for you 🙂

    I agree with Celia, whenever you are ready hun. (*hugs*) There’s not right or wrong here, so just do it when you both feel it is the right time.

  7. Congrats on 11 weeks!

    I don’t know that I have anything to add. Their are a lot of complex emotions involved in telling the news… There times when I wish I could tell everyone right now, and time when I never want to tell anyone, ever no matter how good things end up looking. But, I think you will find a lot of happiness in telling those that know your struggle.

    I think it’s great if you want to tell about your IF. You probably will get some stupid comments, but IF needs an educated voice to try to stop these idiots. And not everyone will get it and you will just have to move on, but I would hope maybe someone will look to you for advice if they know you’ve been through this.

  8. Thanks for your comment on my blog. I’m starting to feel a little hopeless about this cycle, but I keep trying to remind myself that things can change, especially with an upped dose. And it’s really good to hear from someone else that it really can. Thank you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: