Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | May 14, 2009

the least excited person in the room

I had the strangest experience the other day. Last week, when I decided to get a second opinion on big kitty’s bladder problems, I had to get copies of his test results and xrays. Our old practice has three vets, only one of whom I like, and she only works there one day a week. I happened to get a call from her with some blood test results about half an hour before I was going in there to pick up the records.

We talked for a while and I explained that I liked her a lot, but the other two vets did not seem to be on top of things, and I was frustrated. In discussing the cat’s problems, which can be triggered by stress, I mentioned that we are expecting our first baby and that I am worried that big kitty will NOT be happy to have a new, loud, smelly member of the family in December. The last thing I want is to be recovering, taking care of a newborn, and have the cat flare up and require a ton of care all at the same time. She congratulated me and suggested some ways to prepare him (borrow some baby smelling things from friends, babysit an infant at our house, record babies crying and play them in the house, all kinds of weird stuff that won’t exactly be easy to do as we don’t have any close friends with an infant). She was very gracious about me taking him to another vet hospital, and said she welcomed getting second opinions, and that she hoped we’d be back at some point.

So, when I went into the office to pick up the records half an hour later, the two receptionists up front were acting really nice to me, even though they must have known that we are leaving their office, since I requested copies of his records. Then one of them says to me “Well, we hear that you have some good news!” I was completely confused and was like “What? Oh…….ohhhhh, um yeah. Well it’s still really early. We’ll see.”

It was so awkward. I was not prepared to handle other people’s excitement. It’s not like I told the vet because I was excited and wanted to spread the news.Β  I only told her because I was concerned about how it would affect the cat’s health problems, and apparently the news spread through the entire practice like swine flu.

The two front desk ladies started telling me things and giving me advice, and I felt like a bit of an asshole because I was clearly the least excited person in the room. I mean, I’m excited, but I’m cautious, and trying to be realistic. I don’t think that it’s necessarily socially appropriate to tell strangers that I’ve miscarried before, and it took a year of fertility treatments to get here, so I will believe it once we hit viability. I tried to put on a happy face and listen to them talk about saltine crackers and how one of their cats used to be mean but when the baby came, it became very maternal and attached to the baby. Then I hurried the hell out of there.

Maybe it will feel different once we are out of the first trimester and start telling people for real. This was a strange situation. I didn’t mean to tell strangers at 7 weeks!

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Responses

  1. People always did that with me, even knowing what I’d been through. It doesn’t seem to stop people. They come from a place where pregnancy equals baby, and sadly not all of us belong to this mythical land. I seriously always felt like I lived in some parallel world, and I was just watching them through a looking glass.

    Bah. Sorry you had to deal with that, and sorry she spread the news without the okay.

    I really hope kitty gets better, and the issues become resolved. I completely understand the worry over him, and I am sorry he’s ill.

  2. I know what you mean! I’m at 17w5d and I still often feel like the least excited person in the room. And, like you said, it’s not that I’m NOT excited– it’s just that I have the worry and stress of the past few years looming over me.

    Stressful or not, enjoy the best you can. πŸ™‚

    And I hope that your kitty feels better and that everything goes well with baby. πŸ™‚

  3. i’m in the second trimester and am still not comfortable telling people. i wonder if it ever will be? not sure.

    hope the second opinion is a good one πŸ™‚ we take our cat to a clinic that only sees cats and i only like one of the vets. i asked the other two why they picked a cat only clinic and they gave me some lame reason. whatever.

  4. You didn’t tell strangers, you told your vet out of concern for your cat and SHE blabbed.

    I think none of us will be able to help being cautious. On the one hand, it is not like your heart will be any less broken no matter what you do if you lose this baby, but on the other we have all been burnt before.

    It is normal to feel how you do. I am praying this one is for keeps Bird.

  5. I don’t know why they felt the need to spread your news…I mean, obviously since you aren’t yet showing she should’ve at least sensed that it was early, even if she didn’t know the whole story. Sigh. People are so weird. I think everything you’re feeling is totally normal and common for women in our position. You handled it as best you could! Hopefully they’ll be making more obnoxious comments as you get bigger and bigger! I hope your cat is okay, btw.

  6. Yeah, that is annoying that she told everyone, and that they told you. In my small town I worry about saying anything to my dentist or random other health-type people, because they don’t seem to consider early pregnancy something that would be confidential. I think we all understand your feelings!

    How is kitty doing today? I’m sorry he’s having a hard time again.

  7. Totally 100% get it hon. I think its quite frustrating that she told the reception staff!


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