Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | April 26, 2009

crying in costco

I went to Costco by myself on Friday. I needed contact solution and ended up buying an industrial size container of fresh strawberries because they smelled so good. I ended up nearly throwing up after passing each food sample table they had though. Meat smells and I do not mix, especially not now.

After checking out, I decided to get a frozen yogurt. It was mid day on a weekday, and Costco was dead. I hate going there on the weekend when it’s so busy. Anyhow, I was sitting there at the sticky food court table staring in the direction of the check out area when I saw him. This man looked just like my dad. White hair, white beard, tall and sturdy, and a kind and gentle face. It could have been his twin. He was laughing with the checker about something. And it hit me like a ton of bricks that my dad isn’t here to tell about this pregnancy. He won’t get to read Dr. Seuss books to this kid. He won’t get to teach his grandchild about birds and gardening. And I started crying right there in the food court.

My dad has been dead for nearly four years. He didn’t get to be at my wedding. My sister walked down the aisle with me. I thought I had mourned the idea of him missing out on grandkids, but the physical pain of it hit me today all at once. My dad was awesome. I miss him so much.



  1. I understand. My father passed away ten years ago and my huband’s father passed away over twenty years ago.

    Every child should have a grandpa. Our children (if we have any) will have none.

  2. Oh Bird,

    Poor Bird, that is sad and certainly the hormones are escalating everything.

    I will send Mr. Naughtypants for a visit straightaway.

  3. Oh Birds, I’m sorry. I can understand that their will always be moments that feel incomplete, like someone is missing. Sorry, (((Hugs)))

  4. I’m so, so sorry.

  5. 😦 oh, i’m sorry to hear this…

    …but isn’t costco the best? maybe i’ll head out there now. 🙂

  6. I’m sorry hun.

  7. I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what it would be like.

  8. I’m sorry your dad won’t be there to meet your children. One way to bring him into the lives and hearts of your children would be to tell them stories, make him come alive.

    I lost my mom in 2005 and I am sure it is going to be sad when I finally bring home a baby. They say the first year after loss is hard because you have to live through each holiday and season with out that person. But I also think that the milestones are hard too.

    Sending you hugs!

  9. I’m so sorry, especially that it hit you so hard and unexpectedly. I agree with Victoria, that you can share your father with your children, through photos, stories, special traditions. But, I know it’s not the same.


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