Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | February 27, 2009

cd 9 ultrasound

Yet another new nurse did my ultrasound today. I like her. She seems to know what she’s doing and she’s nice. She said she had worked there for 10 years but had been staying at home for a few years and was back filling in when the office was busy. I got to be in the nice room with a new ultrasound machine that I have never seen before. It was super fancy. Unfortunately super fancy machines still do not make follicles look any bigger than they are. On both ovaries I have a couple of follicles around 11mm, and a lot of smaller ones. I’m a little disappointed. I was hoping that there would be some in the 15-16 mm range and I’d be close to triggering. She said to stick with 150IU of gonal-f each night and recheck on Monday.

I asked if the cyst (which is still there by the way) would make me respond crappier to the meds, and if I needed a higher dose. She said no, that a higher dose would have made more follicles grow but wouldn’t necessarily make them grow faster. I guess my lining was good. She didn’t give me a lot of numbers, which was kind of annoying, but she did seem to be familiar with my chart, like she had read it before coming in the room, which I appreciated.

I made an appointment for S to give a sample to freeze on Monday. If by some miracle my 11mm follicles grow big enough to trigger on Monday, then we can do the IUI on Tuesday and not need to freeze anything. But if not, S will be out of town starting Wednesday, and with my luck, my ovaries will  continue plugging their ears and saying “LA LA LA WE DON’T HEAR YOU, GONAL F” and continue being lazy. Again, I’m kinda pissed that we aren’t being more aggressive. I get it, I don’t want octuplets, but COME ON. I don’t respond super well. I’ve even been adding an extra click of meds a night, and still, it’s not going great. It could certainly be worse, and perhaps by stimming longer I’ll get better eggs or something. I guess nothing is ever going to make me happy.

I asked if we should freeze two samples to combine because of the low morphology. The nurse checked with the lab people and they said no, that for an IUI one should be fine unless we have low motility. I’m not sure I understand that reasoning, because if we have 3% normal sperm, what does good motility even tell us? What if the fast swimmers are the abnormal guys? And I want to know how bad are the sperm. Are there a bunch of “almost normal” sperm in there that could very well do the job? Or are the 3% ones the only ones capable of fertilizing an egg? All questions I probably should have asked today.

The vampire/flesh digger medical assistant drew my blood today. I’m really almost ready to complain about her to the clinic. Every fucking time she DIGS around. I haven’t had blood drawn since mid December. My veins have had a long time to recover from the previous frequent pokes. It shouldn’t have been that hard. Every time she does it, it hurts and I flinch and she asks “Are you okay?” and I want to roar “NO I’M NOT OKAY! You are terrible at this! You should not be allowed to draw blood!” But I don’t. I just look away and say “It just hurts.”

It hurts.

All of it. I walk down those walls plastered with baby pictures wondering if my child’s picture will ever get up there. It hurts to have to go to yet another pharmacy to get the right meds. It hurts when people ask “So, do you have any kids?” It hurts to know that I have to meet our friends’ new baby on Sunday. It’s going to hurt like a bitch to hold this beautiful tiny 5 week old baby and know that we may never get our own.

I wish there was some sort of way to absorb the hurt. Something like kitty litter. It would clump up nicely and I could scoop it out and discard it and have a nice clean heart.

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Responses

  1. Sorry it looks like your going to have to make some sperm-cicles (ewww).

    I would have the same questions you do. There is so much focus put on the s/a numbers, but no one really explains what that means.

    I hear large quantities of hard liquor does some of what your looking for.

  2. i love the idea of clumpable hurt litter 🙂 that’s great.

    sorry the follicles are slow going right now. frozen junk can still do the trick, though!!! (i don’t get why they won’t do the two samples either)

  3. Fritos boo, you need Fritos. Fritos cure all.

  4. I am so sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with a flesh digger on top of everything else. I’m sorry about all of it. I’m especially sorry about the new baby.

    If you find that kitty litter, let me know.

  5. Scoop up the hurt like kitty litter — I totally get this. I want to do that too. And I, too, am over these blood drawers who don’t know how to draw blood. Mine even acts annoyed at me, like did you drink enough water before coming here? Outrageous. Anyway, I hope your follies get the lead out and start growing so you can avoid the frozen situation!

  6. Kitty litter for depression, lol. Scoop it out and toss it in the trash…I would buy stock in it:)

  7. I’ve had a few blood draws like that. Blood work doesn’t bother me, its the digging around. I have actually almost thrown up because of it.

    I hope everything works out with your IUI this cycle!

  8. I know this won’t help, but 11mm on cd7 is pretty good. And keep hoping. When you send your baby’s picture to the clinic, be sure to make it bigger than all the others. That’s what I’ll be doing!

    Hugs

    ICLW

  9. I just had to laugh when I read the part about the vampire/flesh digger. I’ve been joking forever that my blood-lab techs are vampires. I mean, what else could they possibly do with all that blood?? And also, my nurses (all of them) do the digging thing. And yep… as soon as you flinch they ask “Are you okay?” Like they can’t figure out that digging around in your vein hurts?!?!

    As for the extra clicks… I did them every day of my IUI cycle. Responded slow at first… then got even more aggressive and ended up doing an IVF. It can come on fast! One day they’re at 11 and the next they’re at 17. 🙂

    Best of luck!!!

  10. Your cycle sounds very promising with a couple 11s on each side. Things can change so quickly. Hopefully, by next week they will all be mature.

    Seriously. Some people should simply not be allowed to draw blood. It’s so irritating when they dig around for that vein…

  11. wow, let me know if you find some of that hurt absorbing kitty litter, i could use some of that! good luck with your cycle, i hope those follies grow for you. i’m starting gonal f soon as well, as soon as the suppression drugs wear off that is!


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