Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | February 9, 2009

one more night

Just one more night until my husband comes home from his trip. I’ve almost made it through. It hasn’t been great, but I’ve survived. I haven’t been sleeping so great, and I’m not getting a whole lot done, but I’ve been mostly fine. It really helped that it was warm and sunny over the weekend, and that helped my mood greatly.

According to FF, I’m 9dpo, if I did in fact ovulate. I don’t even care. I’m not obsessing. I have no breast tenderness. Wait, right after I wrote that, I poked around and they are a little sore in spots. I did feel awfully nauseous a little while ago, but I chalked it up to not eating much today. I feel a little dizzy, but also could be from not eating much. I’m not getting my hopes up. In fact, I’ve done plenty of things you shouldn’t do in the 2ww, because really, why torture myself on a cycle that has virtually no chance of working? I’ve had coffee, diet soda, I ate pineapple, I took excedrin for a headache,  and I’m getting a massage tomorrow. Ooh, I’ve been downright reckless! Watch this cycle work but end up in another miscarriage because of my attitude.

As shitty as this rest cycle has been, I’ve started feeling a little more positive about ending up with a baby out of this, eventually. I met up with Shaina from Indiana Open Windows over the weekend, and I felt so much better after talking with her. I feel more and more that at some point this has to work. The funny thing is, I can’t visualize a baby. In my mind, I can vividly see our three or four year old kid, and all the fun things we’ll do with him or her, and mostly how we will explain things. Perhaps it’s because I used to teach, but I always imagine how I would explain all kinds of things to my child. I’m weird. I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad lately, and all of the memories I have of him spending time with us. I want to give my kids lots of memories like I have.

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Responses

  1. Yay for you for making it all this time in an empty house!

    Why is pineapple bad for you? I love canned pineapple.

  2. Forget getting a lot done…just get through it. I think you’re doing great. This is a hard road you’re (we’re) on.

  3. Glad your husband will be home soon.

    Somehow you will end up with a baby eventually. I hope we all become mothers.

    Take care hun.

  4. I never heard about the pineapple thing either – what’s the deal?
    I, too, can’t seem to “see” myself with a baby. I wonder if it is because we are so used to getting BFNs or if it is intuition. God, I hope it isn’t the latter.

  5. I’m glad your hubby is almost home. You are my hero.

  6. I just heard about the pineapple thing last week. I just tried googling it, and it sounds like fresh pineapple has something in it that can cause uterine contractions, but you would have to eat a ridiculous amount of it.

  7. Glad he’ll be back so soon! I sleep like crap when my DH is gone too.

    Enjoy your massage & caffeine! 🙂

  8. One more night, you can do it!!! After so many cycles of being “healthy” and doing all the right things, I decided to enjoy life and not sweat the small stuff. Enjoy the heck out of that massage!

  9. Hang in there! I hope the days pass quickly till hubby is home and your 2ww is over. GL this cycle…you never know!

  10. I am so, so relieved that your hubby will soon be home. I absolutely love that first night when mine comes home and I can finally get some rest — sweet relief! I was just thinking today that I can’t imagine actually holding a baby that is mine…when I am finally looking at one I don’t know if I’ll actually believe it. Yet I, too, can picture having an older child. Odd. Anyway, I am glad you are feeling more optimistic about this happening for you — I feel optimistic for you too (that’s another funny thing — I was about to talk about how it’s such a good sign for you that you got pg once…yet I can’t seem to accept that that’s good news for me — go figure. It’s always so much easier to feel optimistic for others than yourself)!

  11. I think it must be the teacher in me too. Except I always look at what other people are doing with their three- and four-year-olds and think, “You are handling that so wrong….”

    I’m glad that you are feeling more optimistic! I feel optimistic for you too!

  12. Hi. I had a creepy interaction today and needed to change blogs (formarly br.bits). Transitioning to a new site that I don’t want to publish on my blog: http://strongblonde.wordpress.com/

    🙂


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