Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | February 8, 2009

i love algebra. i should get a baby.

I had been talking to my mom on the phone for about an hour about some family drama, when she started complaining. “Now your sister is saying she won’t go to the shower tomorrow and I don’t know what to do.” My heart stopped for a few seconds. Shower? What shower?

Oops.

She had tried to hide it from me. The shower was for my little sister’s best friend. A girl I used to babysit. I tutored her in math and science up through high school. She’s 7 years younger than me. And she gets a baby and I don’t.

After she said the girl’s name, and then “baby shower”, I interrupted her.

Me:   “Nope, I don’t want to hear about it.”

Mom:   “I’m sorry honey, we thought it might upset you so we decided not to tell you about it.”

Me:   “Great. Well I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

Mom:   “But I feel so bad, now I have to call SoAndSo (girl’s mother) and tell her we aren’t coming, and I already got a gift, this cute little dress… she’s having a girl…..”

Angry Me:   “IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS FUCKING SHOWER I AM HANGING UP AND WILL NOT TALK TO YOU FOR A WEEK.”

That shut her up. Then five minutes later she starts talking about the shower again. I realize that I sound whiny and immature. But damn. Seriously? I appreciate that my mom and sister chose to not tell me, but why then did my mom let it slip? Did she subconsciously want me to know? Why did she keep talking about it after I had to flip out on her? Was she just frazzled by this family drama and let it accidentally slip? Why did she keep bringing it up? I was almost able to do my mental LALALALALA and block it out of my mind, but now, I’m torturing myself by looking up her registry. Yes, I am sick in the head.

Now to make another terrible, selfish leap, I’m thinking about intelligence. This girl was very sweet, but not the brightest bulb in the box. I spent loads of time (and a lot of her parents’ money) trying to get her to understand basic algebra. I know that realistically, you don’t have to be smart to get knocked up, but why is it that all I am thinking about is “I love algebra! I should get a baby!”

Mean, petty, and small. That’s me. But that’s why I have this space, so I can let it all out and try to move on.

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Responses

  1. I tutored algebra too. Dammit. x + y = IF It all makes sense now, you KNOW Amanda had to have rocked at algebra. It is some kind of math curse.

  2. I totally understand where you are coming from hon. Unfortunately there is no justifying why one person has a child when another person doesn’t. It sucks!

  3. Yeah, I rocked it all the way to Diff Eq! There might be something to this math… knowledge of math is inversely proportional to fecundity.

    Or maybe being married to an engineer? You, me and Celia are all married to engineers (at least by schooling). Wait, that can’t be it cause I work with a bunch of engineers and they all have children… but their wives are idiots, so it must be some function of woman’s math knowledge. Actually, one of the only guys I work with that doesn’t have kids wife is an architect. The evidence is mounting. Stupid=fertile? Oh, that was mean, I’m ashamed of myself;)

  4. 😦 to go on and on would push me over the edge. at least she stopped when you told her how it would be.

  5. Finally! An answer! I, too, love algebra! I couldn’t stand geometry, but I rock at algebra. . .and I am currently tutoring a former student in it.

    She is 15. If she gets a baby before I do, something is seriously wrong with the universe.

  6. I’m so sorry.

  7. OK, I think because I know you IRL that this actually made me laugh. Not because it’s funny, just the way you told it.

    I know this sucks. A lot. But I’m glad you told your mom not to talk about it anymore. Stand up for yourself.

  8. She should have dropped it. Period.

    Don’t be down on yourself. Infertility is a harsh beast, you can’t completely bury those feelings. I’m glad you can come on here and vet your feelings out safely, I love that about blogging. Hopefully things will get better soon. Until then, sending you some cyber (*hugs*)

  9. I don’t think people understand. It’s not that I want to be the kind of person who doesn’t talk about other people’s pregancies, showers and announcments, it’s just that I am.

    What are you going to do? Good for you to tell your mom to stop talking about it. 🙂

  10. Now it all makes sense. I shouldn’t be finishing my CPA…maybe it’s all the math that has totally screwed up my reproductive organs, lol.

  11. GREAT JOB telling your mom you don’t want to hear it. I always chicken out and hold the phone away from my ear while my mom blabs on about people’s babies, showers, baby clothes, etc. I’m not sure why she kept wanting to bring it up. I’m so sorry.

  12. Ok, I get it…I’m not a big fan of the math, but the husband is and we have MFI! It’s nice to be able to explain these things. 🙂 Sorry about your mom. I’ve got one like that.

  13. Ugh. parents can be the worst. sometimes i think when they try not to talk about something fertility related it just makes them think about it – and talk about it and around it – more. i’ve had to leave the room in tears before as my MIL prattles on about her pregnancies. glad you could up your volume enough for her to hear you – at least temporarily! hang in there. Mo

  14. My little sister’s friends have babies too. And it is socially acceptable. This makes me infertile AND old. I’m glad you put your foot down with your mother. Good job.


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