Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | February 5, 2009

alone

The husband left this morning for his business trip. Thank you all for your comments. I’m glad to know that I’m not alone in feeling crazy when he’s gone.

To answer some questions, my family and friends are all two thousand miles away, so there is no one to come stay with me. My in laws live fifteen minutes away, and I can certainly call them in an emergency, or if I need help or go completely insane. They are the worrying type though, and if they knew how nuts I truly am, they’d probably insist that I stay at their house, and I cannot do that. We did that for a few weeks after our house was broken into last year, and that was enough for a lifetime. They are wonderful people, but I cannot take being constantly asked if I need anything. I’d rather be crazy scared at home with my cats, my tv, and the internets than uncomfortable and feeling out of place at their house.

I keep my cell phone and a land line phone, and my pepper spray with me at all times. We had a land line put in after the break in because when I called 911 on my cell phone, there was a delay in reaching local help. That was fun. Having locked myself in the bathroom while someone was kicking our front door in and having my call go to the wrong county or something was great. First, I was shaking so badly, I kept dialing 611 instead of 9. I seriously did that at least three times. Then my phone dropped the call once I did get 911 dialed. Then when I called again, I had to go through several operators, whisper my address, because I thought the person who broke in was right outside the bathroom door, then wait for the police to arrive. Anyhow, I don’t want to keep thinking about that now LALALALALA.  We now have a phone in every room of our house. Yes, even the bathroom. Especially the bathroom.

FF is saying that I’m 5dpo, but I’m still not sure if I ovulated. My temps are all over the place. I am dying to know if the cysts are still there. I suppose I could call the nurse and ask for an ultrasound, but it’s $150 out of pocket, and I might as well wait until cd 1, since there’s nothing they can do about it if they are still there. For those of you that have had cysts cancel a cycle, could you feel them? Could you feel when they were gone? I can’t feel a damn thing. I did feel some cramping the day I supposedly ovulated, but I can’t ever trust what my body tells me. That last failed clomid cycle, I felt tons of activity down around ovaryland, and it turns out, I didn’t have a damn thing going on and the cycle got canceled. Since then, I don’t take much stock in feeling anything.

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Responses

  1. omg! i would have been hyperventilating in the bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    i hope the time goes by quickly! i’d start like twenty projects that got in the way of each other so that i’d have to finish parts of them to eat or sleep 🙂

    i hear ya about in-laws. i love them, but it’s their house.

  2. Forget hyperventilating, I would have peed myself.

    Something I do to pass time is buy scratch and win lottery tickets. If I have a LOT of time to pass. Like, I did this for my 4 hour glucose tests. Every hour I would play a ticket.

    Of course I lost every time, but it is a pretty cheap distraction. Plus you get to play “what will I do with the money if I win”

    I like the instant gratification of it. I only do it as a special reward for things that are going to suck a lot, since it is literally throwing your money away.

    But it is fun for me.

  3. holy crap. you are very brave. There’s no way that can happen twice to a person.

  4. Glad you’re carrying the phones, plus pepper spray with you. Hopefully you won’t need to use them, but you never know.

    I actually am a cystless PCOSer, and have had no issues with cysts via Clomid… so I can’t help. Sorry 😦 Hopefully your’s will be gone though. I imagine you can feel the ovaries if they’re big enough…

  5. I can’t imagine how scary that was, I don’t think I’d be able to stay home alone easily either. Good job with the phones… we don’t have a phone plugged into our land line here, and I’m starting to think that might be a good idea.

    Those ovary bitches can’t be trusted for anything. As you know, I felt all kinds of stuff from my cyst, however, apparently I felt nothing when it popped and then phantom pains after my cyst was gone. Very confusing. I’d bet it will be gone by your scan and then you’ll have a “clean slate” for next cycle.

  6. I would probably watch TV the entire time, maybe listen to my fave radio show on Sirius, and lock myself in my room with the dog. I’m sorry you’re on your own. I agree, though – I’d rather be home alone and scared than stay down the street at my ILs.

    Hang in there! You wouldn’t want to be “back home” anyway…rainy and windy there today 🙂

  7. Oh hon, your break-in story sounds horrible! I had a similar experience when I was a teenager, a guy broke in with a tomohawk. Luckily enough the police arrived in 6 minutes flat and I never had to come face-to-face to him. For years afterwards I couldn’t sleep, and kept a baseball bat next to my bed.

  8. you sound like you have this alone time a bit under control. i think that you will be great. pls just don’t make yourself crazy listening to everything and being more worried (although i know that would be hard for me to do).

    i had cysts, but never knew when they were gone. 😦


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