Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | February 3, 2009

who knows if i ovulated

Fertility Friend is saying that I ovulated on Saturday. I never got the smiley face, but the test line got darker than it has ever been on Friday, so who knows, maybe that was as close as my body was going to get to an LH surge. I decided to start prometrium last night, because if I ovulated, it couldn’t hurt, and if I didn’t, at least I can try to get things moving to induce a period. My temps are up, but probably only from the prometrium. I am not considering myself to be in the two week wait, since I am not sure if ovulation occurred, so I don’t think I’ll be obsessing over possible symptoms.

Not a whole lot is going on in birds and squirrels land. My cats are grooming each other on the couch next to me as I type this. I baked some amazing cookies on Saturday. I haven’t done any more sewing projects yet. I haven’t cleaned my house or thought about taxes or done anything remotely productive. I’m thinking about caving and making an appointment to see my primary care doctor about the sleep problems. Last night it was 4am before I finally fell asleep. I’ve tried a number of the suggestions and some help but the bottom line is that I can’t shut my mind off and it’s a ridiculous cycle of sleep deprivation and depression. Maybe what I need is a week of Ambien to break the cycle and get me feeling more rested and able to cope.

And, to make things more interesting, my husband is going away on a business trip for a week, and thanks to the break in a year ago, I sleep even worse when he’s gone, and I have serious anxiety. When he is gone, my typical pattern is to stay awake most of the night, holding onto my pepper spray, until I am utterly batshit exhausted, then sleep most of the morning away and do the whole thing again the next day. I do realize that I am fucked up in the head and probably need therapy. I am already on antidepressants, so that’s already covered, but clearly it’s not solving all of my problems.

We thought about me going with him on this trip, but the plane ticket would have been over $600, and I would just be sitting in a hotel room in Florida while he works 16 hour days. Not really affordable, practical, or reasonable. So alone I will be, with the cats and my pepper spray. I do have some things in mind to help me through it. I plan to schedule a massage, go to a yoga class and potentially a movie with Shaina, and work on some more sewing projects. I have a lot of phone calls and family business to catch up on. I need to get myself back to the gym. The house is trashed and there are a million little organization projects I need to tackle. I have plenty to do, if I can get myself motivated and have the energy to do it.

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Responses

  1. Do you have a friend or relative that might be open to a sleep over? When I lived closer to civilization( friends and family) I used to ditch the hub for pjs and ice cream at my friend’s shore house. It’s fun.

    Since we are now kinda far away from our friends we will just end up spending the night there instead of doing the pinch yourself to stay awake on the drive home thing.

    I hope the time goes quickly for you.

  2. I’m the same way when my husband is gone overnight. I sleep with my cell phone in hand so I can quickly call for help.

    The dogs really help. Except for when they bark at nothing. That just freaks me out more. Maybe we can get a two-for-one therapy rate?

  3. I can’t stand it when my DH goes away on business. Last time I had my little brother crash at my house for a few days. Hope the time goes by quickly for ya.

    I hear you on the ovulation confusion. I’m having a bit of issues with that right now, myself. So annoying.

  4. i could have written parts of this post myself! damn smiley faces! sorry about that.

    Is your cat back to himself then??

    i usually keep myself up thinking of my friend that died last summer (yeah, pleasant i know). gah! the only nights i sleep decently is if i work out. blah.

    i keep my cell by me too when my dh is out of town. but then i think of all those calls where the 911 operator hangs up b/c they dont’ hear anything and then i go even more insane.

  5. I hate being alone in the house when my husband is gone. Stay strong!

  6. dude…FF sucks. they always lied to me. i have not looked at it in months. i would obsess over my temps, then all of a sudden everything would change and it would change the weeks worth of data.

    so sorry you have to be alone in the house.

    how far are you from me? i think far. 😦

  7. Oh, I’m sorry you are having sleep problems, that sounds just terrible. I hope you find something to help you get through hubby’s business trip.

    HUGS!!

  8. I’m so sorry it’s so hard for you right now. I have found that exercise really helps me when I get in my “don’t want to get off the couch mode” (which happens a LOT lately). The hardest part is STARTING, but I’m (almost) always glad that I do. I’m trying to look at exercise as a nice thing I can do for myself and not something I’m “supposed” to do, and that seems to help.

    Another thing that helped me a lot was therapy. I hope you have a good day really soon.

  9. Sigh. I can so relate to your lack of sleep while your DH is away. You described my own pattern exactly (except I usually have to get to the office the next morning, which always really makes me wish I were a freelancer). It is really comforting to see all the other comments on this too — I thought I was the only person in the world who slept with weapons and all manner of phones for emergency calls nearby. I wish there were something I could say beyond hang in there. I truly hope you get the sleep you need and deserve, very soon!


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