Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | January 30, 2009

you know it’s bad when…

You know it’s bad when your mother in law is sending you emails in which she questions your mental state. Yes, multiple emails. Then she called me, multiple times, on my cell phone and our home phone (which I ignored), and finally left a message saying that she only meant to send one email, and that the other was a draft and to ignore it. In the emails she says that she is worried about me, that we should realize how blessed we are, and that she thinks I just need to relax and distract myself, possibly by volunteering at a school and working with children. Yes, that’s a great idea! I can’t get pregnant, so it would be so fun for me to volunteer with young children! Totally logical!

I don’t want to be mean. She’s very sweet and she means well. She, like pretty much everyone else in the world, has no idea what to say to an infertile. I do probably need a distraction. But, volunteering with kids would only rip my heart out even more. I don’t know what to do to get me out of this funk. I’m trying to be very gentle with myself, trying to work on getting more sleep and trying to just get through the days.

I’m on cd 19. No smiley face, but the lines are getting darker. I haven’t had any more EWCM, so I don’t know what that means. S has a business trip and will be leaving on Wednesday for nearly a week. With my luck, if I ovulate, it will probably happen while he’s gone.



  1. I’m sorry about the email from your mil and your funk. Hopefully you can find something to do to spoil yourself this weekend.

    I hope you ovulate before hubby leaves!

  2. I hear you about the funk. I am in one as well and have no ideas on how to shake it. The MIL email would drive me bonkers. can you get hubby to tell her to lay off?!

    my thoughts are with you.


  3. ugh! My DH just told me this week that he would help me find a hobby! i know he means well…but c’mon man.

    Thank God my MIL has left me alone since I basically told her she doesn’t know what it’s like to miscarry….

    Anyway, hope you see that smiley face soon and that your DH is in town!! 🙂

  4. They all mean well, but it doesn’t mean it’s helpful or even not the most awful ass-vice ever spoken. Volunteering is wonderful, and if you want to, great! Or not.
    I really hope you’ll invest in some total self indulgence: visit a winery, join a book group, go shopping, get a massage, take a weekend and really wallow without guilt (with the knowledge that you will try to pick yourself up after 2 days of sorrow). I know I beat myself up about feeling badly a lot, and I think that if I had just embraced feeling rotten for a day or two it might have helped me acknowledge my loss and not feel guilty.
    If this sounds ridiculous, please disregard. Ass-vice offered through the assistance of pinot noir.

  5. I think her heart was probably in the right place, but poorly executed. Having a distraction does help break up the misery, unfortunately for you it sounds like the cat stuff has filled that slot.

    Towards the end of my break cycle I realized that I was really glad I was doing the acupuncture because it made me feel like I was still doing something even though I couldn’t do anything really significant. Not that you need to get acupuncture, but having a scheduled appt to look forward to really helped me. Also, since the acupuncture guy and his receptionist knew the reason I was there, I get a chance to talk for at least couple of minutes about my infertility to real people that at least act like they care. The novelty of this will wear off soon, but for now, I’m just glad to talk to somebody about it. Something to think about.

    Have you checked to see if there are any support groups in your area? It might help. Sorry it’s so crummy right now.

  6. I still have trouble understanding why people think us infertiles want to be around other people’s children… cause that makes perfect sense.

    I know their hearts are in the right place… sort of… but they really need to think more before they speak sometimes.

    Sorry for that. And sorry for no positive OPK yet. I can relate.

  7. If your cheese ever does slide off your cracker, I will let you know. I cannot imagine anything more painful than hanging around children. Unless they were total brats that made me thankful I could not have any. In fact, there are quite a few hellions that come into my store that make me seriously question if I want one. Then I remember I am not an assclown and would never allow a child to act like that.

    UGh, your mother in law is trying to help, she is just doing a crappy job.

  8. i wish that there was some sort of a class to teach people how to talk, interact with, and support people with IF. seriously. it would all be so much easier if we actually felt like we had some sort of support system. least we all have eachother…

    i agree: try to take some time to pamper yourself. i have a friend who is asian and very philosophical. she says that in their culture they believe that these funks or downsides happen so that you can have the upswing. the lower the funk, the better you can expect the next phase of your life to be.


  9. I can totally identify. My mother, bless her heart, never knows what to say either. If they haven’t been through it, they will never get it.

    I will say that spending time with some close friends’ kids actually HAS made me feel good. It doesn’t make my own struggle any easier, but getting love from little ones (no matter where it comes from) does warm the heart.

    My only assvice is to do what makes you feel good, whatever that is. And ignore everyone else.

  10. Ahhh, yes. MILs who mean well, but…

    Keep being kind to yourself. Find some way to laugh, if possible. Remember that good thoughts are being sent your way.

  11. Oh honey, I feel so much for you at the moment. I know she means well but it really isnt helpful is it. This IF stuff plays can do some real damage to your life – depression, low self-esteem, eating etc.

    You do need to make sure you look after yourself though and put in place some good coping strategies. For me that is exercising and I make sure that the moment I feel stressed out or that it is all too much for me, I go to the gym. For you it may be something completely different. I would suggest though that it isn’t child-related. Some people are incredibly tough and can do that but I think it needs to be away from kids. Just my two cents anyway.

    Sending you lots of love xxx

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