Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | January 21, 2009

who knows about your blog?

Welcome ICLWers! This is my third month participating in ICLW, and it always amazes me how many great blogs there are out there that I haven’t discovered yet. I’m looking forward to this week of increased commenting and reading lots of blogs.

Our history is on the sidebar, but here’s a very quick synopsis: I have PCOS. DH is a cancer survivor and has low morphology. We’ve done 7 rounds of clomid (all bfn or anovulatory), 2 rounds of injectables and IUI (one m/c, one bfn), and are now sitting this cycle out due to cysts. It’s starting to wear on us. I’m generally sarcastic, bitchy, and potentially offensive. I’ll try to behave this week though.

Anyhow, I have a question. Who knows that you blog? Does your husband/wife/partner know and read? Do real life friends and family know about your blog? Are you super careful about not revealing identifying information? Do you censor yourself and not say mean things about people that might find and read your blog?

I ask because nobody knows about my blog. I’m not even sure that my husband does. He knows I spent a lot of time on the internets, reading about infertility stuff. He knows that I read and sometimes post on soulcysters. He knows that I read lots of blogs. During ICLWs that I’ve participated in, I think he wonders why my laptop is glued to my lap. I think he just thinks that I post comments on other people’s blogs. However, the other day he made some comment like “are you going to blog about that?”, and that made me think that maybe he does know. It’s not that I don’t want him to know about it. I haven’t posted anything about him that I wouldn’t say to his face. I wouldn’t care if he read this blog, in fact, it might give him some insight on how it affects me without having to talk about anything. I just haven’t told him about it directly or sent him a link. It wouldn’t be too hard for him to figure it out. Clearly, if he uses my laptop and sees a tab open to the blog, he would figure out very quickly. I don’t know if he would even want to read it. S, if you are reading this, feel free to delurk and leave a comment. I won’t be mad or anything.

I write this blog strictly for me. It’s the only way I have to vent about things to people who understand and who have been there. It has been an amazing support throughout this whole crappy ordeal. I share a lot of frustrations about family and friends that have little sensitivity to infertilty, and I don’t censor myself. This is the one place I can be completely, brutally honest and vent all of those awful things you would never say to someone’s face. I know it’s not mature to talk shit about people, but hey, it feels pretty good sometimes to vent. I would never want any IRL friends or family to find this blog and read it. I worry about revealing too much and somehow someone finding it and suddenly my whole family knows exactly how I feel about shitty things they’ve done. I haven’t even ever used my real first name, which is probably ridiculous, since so many bloggers do. I have a very common first name, so it’s not like that would totally give away my identity.

So, who knows about your blog? How do you deal with privacy concerns? Are you careful with what you write about? Do you ever think about going password protected?



  1. Hi! No one knows about my blog but my hubby. I don’t think he reads it, but i know he knows the title, and he might have been nosy enough to ready it. I like being anonymous. It somehow frees me to say what I really feel.


  2. My husband knows and I have asked him not to read… but I probably wouldn’t know if he did. And it really wouldn’t bother me if he read it. Otherwise, no one else knows. If I want to talk trash about my SIL I would rather her not find out, so I do not talk about it to anyone IRL.

    I have mentioned enough stuff on mine that would tell you where I went to college and maybe have a good idea of the area I live in. It doesn’t bother me that my readers know that, but I would rather not write it out for the sake of google.

    I tell my husband about what’s going on with the blogs I’m reading and when I mention you it’s like “Birds and Squirrels grew a cyst and it on a break right now too.” He thinks your name is hilarious.

  3. I kept my blog secret from my husband at first. I was very secretive about it. When he would walk over to see what I was doing on my laptop I would close the lid. Then one day I just told him. Sometimes I show him posts. I’m not sure he knows the address/name. I haven’t asked him not to read it, but I don’t think he will. I have told him that I blog mean things about him some times. I don’t think he cares. His policy is usually “as long as wife is happy and not nagging me to do something I won’t ask too many questions.” It works for us.

    I have sent my blog address to three non-IF IRL friends. It was my way of explaining why I have been so out of touch for a year. I don’t think any of them have looked at it. Only one person responded to my email saying that she was sorry for my “troubles”. Yes, she put it in quotation marks.

    None of my family knows about my blog. I will probably always keep it that way.

    I don’t generally care if people figure out who I am. Megan is my real name. But I don’t feel the need to advertise who I am either.

  4. Just like you nobody really knows about my blog. I blog because it gives me a venting place about infertility and what we are going through. It is a place that I can go to and write exactly what I am feeling without having to feel guilty for my feelings. I dont post anything meaning to hurt anyone but I feel if people in my personal life read them that I will subconsciously leave things out because of what they might think. Infertility and IVF can be a touchy subject for people who may not understand the process or reasoning for it. My husband knows i am on the computer alot and I am sure he knows but it isnt something I advertise. It is my way of getting in touch with people who are experiencing the same crazy roller coaster we are. Blog away Baby!

  5. No one knows about my blog, but it’s not an IF blog. I had started an IF blog when things were starting to wear on me…and wouldn’t you know that was the cycle I got pg. I have PCOS, too. Anyway, no one I know knows about my blog or reads it…and I like it that way. I do try not to say mean things about people I know just in case, but I hope they never find it anyway.

  6. Only my hubby knows that I have a blog… doesn’t know where or what I blog about though. I try to keep it pretty private just in case someone who knows me finds my blog. I sometimes password protect the really good stuff!

    Good luck!

  7. i didn’t tell B for about a month when i was blogging. maybe two. then i just told him. i told one or two other IRL people who know about my struggles. one reads occasionally, but i thought he might read more. the other told me that she decided not to read since it is very personal and she felt like she may be intruding. i don’t care. i started it for me and to find support from other people who are dealing with similiar issues since i felt so alone IRL.


  8. I hope my blog is totally anonymous, mostly due to my work. I have clients all over the country, and it would be really awful if anyone identified it. We don’t share about our IF with very many people, and so I don’t want anyone to know all this private stuff. No one but my husband knows I even have one, and just last week I “undid” myself from search engines because I just got too paranoid. He hasn’t read it because I asked him not to, but he could easily find it on my computer if he wanted to. Nothing that would probably upset him, but I’m sure I would write differently if I knew he was reading.

    Sometimes I wish I could post my photos and real name, etc. but I want to keep this as a place I can write anything, and vent about my family and friends when necessary.

    Sorry you are on this forced break…I hope you see smiley faces soon 🙂

  9. Only Only ONLY my husband…and he doesn’t read it, he just knows I have it. Wait…I take that back my sister knows, but she doens’t have internet access for now and would have no idea how to begin to look for me out here in cyber space with my fake-ass name.

    I don’t know what I’d do if people found it though, probably breathe a sigh of relief (since it’s my husband who wants to keep our IF underground).

  10. oh, thanks for the info on the prius. somehow i didn’t realize you lived in MI, too. it’s good to get a recommendation from someone in my climate. 🙂

  11. Like you, my husband doesn’t know I blog. I let my Mom and sister in on it early on. . .but then I stopped blogging for, like, a year, so I don’t think they even check it anymore.

    My husband wouldn’t like it — he is big on privacy — but this is one case where my own sanity overrules his somewhat paranoia. I am careful not to post anything that would compromise him or our privacy in any way. . .but writing and reading about everyone else’s journey is what keeps me hopeful. I think he’d rather have that than the alternative!

  12. I have one IRL friend that found it on accident. No one else knows. I kinda wish my DH read it, but I don’t think he has. Or at least he’s not telling me he’s reading it.


  13. i actually just told my DH this weekend! he didn’t care, said he didn’t know to know every detail about my cycle 🙂 which is true and which is why i have the blog.

    i told one of my SIL’s i was on it i think, but i didn’t specify what it was for or whatever. she may have found it, doesn’t matter, i try to only bitch about what’s going on with me anyway. i write what i want about myself and then i try to write a little more censored if i write about anyone else.

  14. Husband knows and reads every post.

    Nobody else, and I plan to keep it that way (though a couple of times it’s almost slipped out).

    Happy ICLW!

  15. My husband does know about my blog, but to my knowledge he has never read it. He asked that I not use our real names since I was going to be blogging about things involving his penis.

    I have one co-worker I mentioned my blog to, and to my surprise she reads it. Which is really funny to me- I would have thought the down and dirty details of my vagina would send her running for the hills.

    I pretend no one reads my blog so I don’t censor myself.

    The only thing I don’t allow myself to talk about is politics, because I do not want to isolate infertile Republicans. Or Democrats for that matter. So I keep politics out of my blog.

  16. […] by barren is the new black on January 22, 2009 Birds and Squirrels asks, Who knows about your blog? This has been on my mind a lot lately as I almost told a friend the other night but held fast to […]

  17. My DH knows of the blog and knows how to find it if he wants, but he is respecting my privacy. I am not sure how I would feel if he read it.
    My sister knows of it, but does not know the name I use or the name of the blog.
    One friend knows I have a blog, but nothing more.

    I keep most rants to myself and try not to say anything bad about any particular person on the blog.I am too afraid it may come back to haunt me later.
    I never use my real name and never post pics of actual people.

  18. Here for ICLW, nice to meetcha.

    I had a blog a couple of years ago that several people knew about. I got a couple judgemental comments, and felt like i couldn’t write freely, so I deleted it. About a year and a half ago I started a new one. Oh, and I didn’t tell anyone. I use my blog as a sort of online secret diary, so I can’t see having my other or whatnot read it and understand. Slowly though, I did tell a couple of close friends, dear ones, ones that I thought would understand. I live in Europe and since they are in the US it has been a way to keep in touch and have support through some hard things. Oh, and the hubster knows about it, reads a pot if I ask him to, but generally respects my privacy. I can dig that.

  19. My DH knows about it and some online friends and fellow bloggers. I hope that’s about it. I have recently posted a few pics but don’t really give away much more info than that. I’m fine with sharing with my online friends who are going through it and understand but not ready to share with other people I know.
    Hope that makes sense.

  20. I wide open! I blog for me – yes – but for many others too. I have many IRL friends that read and, are you ready for this? My mother reads it everyday.

    And – no – I don’t censor. If an issue is real and I feel like it needs to be talked about, I write about it.

    Maybe I’m crazy – but I am writing a book so I figure someday everyone will know everything anyway so why hold back from the start?

  21. Friends know about my blog, but no one knows the address and I’m pretty sure none of them have come visiting. I like that it’s private. I blog for me. So that my head doesn’t explode. Also, my blog is a place where I don’t have to be brave, or overly explain anything. Everyone who stops by is dealing with the same thing.

  22. Great questions! I think everyone knows I blog, but I have only given it out one time to someone IRL. Actually 2 poeple know about and read my blog IRL. My husband does know about it, but he doesn’t read it. Same with my friends. I don’t want them reading it. It’s like my own personal diary. I don’t hide who I really am and how I really feel on my blog. It’s the ugly truth.

  23. Okay, so my DH, my Mom, and I just recently told a couple of close friends that I have a blog. They however have not seen it. Stike that, I showed it to DH, but he didn’t really read anything just looked at it and said, “Oh, thats cool” Nobody has the address and I would like to keep it that way. I definitely find this to be the place to release my frustrations and I want to be able to say whatever I want without offending anyone. The really really bad stuff, I discuss with the therapist! I definitely will keep reading along with your journey.


  24. My husband knows I blog, but he doesn’t come here. I don’t know as he’s ever ventured over. My mom and sister have an idea, but my mom doesn’t get what “blogging” is and my sister is 16 and doesn’t really care what I have to say about IF. Other than that…no one I know reads my blog.

    There was a time in the fall when I thought a coworker was, but once I posted asking people to delurk and that I knew that there were people lurking, I never saw her ISP again. At somepoint I may go passworded, but I don’t know. I like being open.


  25. My husband knows I journal online but I am pretty sure he does not understand about blogging. My sister knows and reads my blog as I do hers. The only other person IRL that knows is my best friend. I like being able to say what I want without censoring myself.


  26. Hi there! Here from ICLW!
    No one in my family/friends know about my blog, and I doubt that they would read it faithfully if they did. My husband does know about my blog and does read if from time to time and I’m fine with that. Sometimes I think its better for him to read it so he can really and truly get a feeling for how much Infertility takes a toll on me and other women.
    Anyhow–best wishes with your journey to getting PG

  27. Only DH knows about the infertility blog and he’s even welcome to write on it (he hasn’t yet).

    *ICLW 66*

  28. New to your blog, I also have PCOS.

    Like many others, my husband knows I have a blog, and what I write about in it…but I don’t think he reads it, I believe out of respect for my privacy. (Which is kind of ironic, because I’m putting it all out there for the world to search, huh?) Anyway…if there’s a particularly good post, I’ll have him read it, but he views it more as my online “diary” and only looks at it when I tell him it’s ok to. I try not to hold back too much, because I do that enough in real life…my blog space is MINE to do whatever I want with. Sometimes I censor myself a little bit, because I have one friend who seems to think that just because I blog about something, that gives her the right to read me the riot act about it. My sister reads it all the time, and I think one or two IRL friends have the link, but the rest are just internet blogging buddies. I wouldn’t want people I work with or simple “acquaintances” to know about it or read it though.

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