Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | January 10, 2009

13 dpo

Still bfn. My temp went down a bit. The breast tenderness is almost completely gone. I called the nurse today to ask when I should stop the prometrium. She left a message for me saying to give it until Monday. I’ll test again tomorrow just because I have a boatload of tests stockpiled, but I have virtually zero hope now.

Now I’m just trying to figure out if and how we make this next cycle work. I think I have two full cartridges of follistim left over from last cycle, and an extra ovidrel, so the medication cost wouldn’t be terrible. I had been thinking that with the cat emergency expenses, we would have to wait and save up money, but S said we can go ahead if I want to. He’s planning to work a bunch of overtime, and we are hoping to get some money back on our taxes. On one hand, I’m completely weary. On the other hand, if this next cycle is successful, it would be the last chance for me to deliver a baby before I turn 35. I’m feeling panicked about time passing by. I’m leaning a bit towards pushing ahead, especially since we have the new dosage plan from the doctor himself to try to stimulate more follicles.

I talked to my friend today, the one I have been avoiding for a month since the miscarriage. I had forewarned her that I didn’t want to talk about it, but she brought it up anyway. Not in a naggy, prying way, but she did acknowlege it, when I just wanted to ignore it. I briefly told her that I’m doing fine physically, but that mentally it sucked and I was incredibly angry. She then asked how long we had been trying, so of course I had to lie since I’m not telling any more people about our infertility. I just said we had been trying for 4 or 5 months. It turned awkward when she started hinting about being hurt that I hadn’t told her immediately. This is why I didnt want to talk, because I knew I would end up having to make her feel better. Overall the conversation went well though and I’m glad we talked.

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Responses

  1. why do people ask you questions and try to talk to you about things when you already told them that you don’t want to talk about it. it is just a reminder about how you don’t want to involve anyone b/c they can’t pay attention to and abide by your wishes.

    jeeze!

    fingers still crossed for a good outcome šŸ™‚

  2. I’m sorry it’s still looking bleak for this cycle. What ever decision you make about the next cycle will be right, so do what makes you comfortable.

    I’m sure your friend meant well, but it just goes to show that you can’t really understand unless you’ve been through it. I’m going through it and still don’t understand.

  3. I really think you should consider a month off. Just to give yourself a little head space. I am right there with you on the have a baby before 35 feeling though.

    To overuse the most overused metaphor ever, it feels like a train headed at me.

    I agree that you can’t make a wrong decision this cycle but as long as your meds will last till next month a tiny break might be good.

    Because first you had a death in the family, then you lost your baby, and now your cat is sick. Do you not think it might be good to take a breather?

    I do support whatever decision you make.

  4. I’ve found that the main reason people feel obligated to say something is to make THEMSELVES feel better. But I am sure your friend meant well. It’s just hard for us even then.

    On the other hand, I am sorry that your cycle is not looking good. But I’ll still keep my fingers crosssed for you.

  5. Sorry for the BFN, and for your friend turning it about her. Ungh.


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