Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | December 16, 2008

can i take it back?

Okay, in my last post, I said I was kind of glad to be home alone while S went on his business trip. That was true until this afternoon and evening, when I spent most of my time lying on the bathroom floor trying not to throw up. I am coping the with cramps, and with the bleeding, but the nausea and headache I have is terrible, and probably unrelated to my body expelling the remnants of an embryo. I laid on my side on the cool tile, crying, wishing my husband was here. I was mentally calculating how long it would take him to drive straight home so he could take care of me and rub my back. When he finally called, he could hear how bad I felt through the phone. He asked if I wanted him to call his parents, if I needed to go to the ER. I said no, it’s not an emergency, I just feel like total shit and I wish you were here. I know he felt bad about being gone, but he’s far enough away that he might as well stay and finish his work so he doesn’t have to go back in a week.

Thank you guys for answering my questions about how this all works. The cramps and bleeding are a bit more intense than a bad period, but I’m glad that it’s happening quickly. I braved the icy roads this morning and went for my third beta. This afternoon I got the call that it’s down to 2, and the nurse checked with the doctor, and we can get started on the next cycle right away if my ultrasound tomorrow is good. I feel numb, and like moving on to the next cycle would be the best thing possible to distract me. Is that terrible?

I finally talked to my mom and sister on the phone. My sister was great, as usual. My mom, well, I think she was nervous, and she complained about her aches and pains for most the conversation, and then got upset when I got off the phone quickly because I thought I was going to puke. My mother in law emailed me and asked what she could do, and if I wanted to go to the mall with her. Um, let’s see, I’m having a miscarriage, I have cramps that are only tolerable with drugs and a heating pad, and I have blood oozing out of my vagina at an alarming rate – I don’t think I’m up for a trip to the mall. I know they all mean well and don’t know what to do to help. I’m really trying not to take my anger out on anyone.

I have a question for you guys. How often do you get to see your actual RE? I met the man once, for 15 minutes at my initial consultation in September. I’ve dealt with three different nurses for ultrasounds and dosage instructions, and they are never consistent, so I end up having to tell them what’s going on at any particular appointment. I feel like a piece of meat.  I just want one person to deal with who knows what is going on. I know they say the doctor reviews all the charts every day, but I feel like no one person in particular is in charge, making decisions. It seems like it’s up to the whim of the nurse, and while I have the utmost respect for nurses, it’s a little disturbing, and I don’t particularly like all of them. I have read on all these blogs about women getting emails or phone calls from their RE, and it makes me sad. Am I being silly? There are only two fertility clinics in my town, and this seems to be the better one, so it’s not like switching is an option.

I want to know what we will do differently this cycle to get more mature eggs. Should we start the follistim earlier? Increase the dose earlier? My follicles stalled twice until we bumped the follistim up to 150iu. Was the IUI timing okay? We did the IUI barely 24 hours after the trigger. Should we be doing back to back IUIs because of the morphology issues? Do I need progesterone supplementation? That doesn’t seem to be something my RE does unless you have multiple miscarriages. Now that I’ve had one, should I insist on it, since it can’t hurt?

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Responses

  1. Sorry for the cramps and nausea. If the bleeding gets worse and you fill more than a pad/tampon an hour you should go to the ER.

    Most people don’t realize how painful, physically and emotionally, a miscarriage is. I was totally unprepared for mine. My mom could relate, but only because she had a bad miscarriage once that ended up requiring an emergency D&C. Most people, if they’ve never been through it just assume maybe there’s a little emotional sting and that you just get over it. Yeah, right. What they don’t know…

    I only saw my RE during the initial consults, and when I was being monitored (he did his own follicle checks, not a technician) I have to go back to him for an injectable consult when I have the money for a cycle of it.

    I don’t know anything about much about injectables protocol yet, as I haven’t done it. I hope someone else can better answer the questions for you.

    Sending you hugs hun.

  2. It’s good that your beta has gotten down to 2, zero wont be far away and you can start your next cycle. I think it is natural for you to want to start trying again straight away. But it’s also okay to wait. You need to do what feels right for yoi.

    I totally get the whole not wanting to speak to people – noone can really say anything thats going to make us feel better, so I’d prefer that they don’t try.

    We went straight to IVF and skipped injectables so no advice on that.

    Love xxx

  3. Ugh, I am so sorry you have to be alone while this happens. It sounds rough, and I am dreading it. As for the next cycle, I agree with the previous comment — it is up to you and how you feel. I think there is nothing wrong at all with moving on. Your goal is a baby, and this isn’t going to stop you from wanting to achieve that goal. As for the doctor/protocol, is it possible for you to switch doctors within the practice? I did that over the summer — had hardly seen my previous doctor and he had no clue who I was. I’m now with a doctor I really trust and am comfortable with, and it has made it so much easier (even yesterday, the office visit from hell). As for the number of follicles, not sure what you had this time but I know my doc was looking for only 1-2 for an ovulation induction cycle. I overstimulate, so she had me on a long, low dose…was at the lowest until the last few days when she would raise it. Would stimulate for about 3 weeks — exhausting. I would definitely advocate for the progesterone. As you said, it won’t hurt anything and then you’ll know you’ve tried everything possible. Thinking of you.

  4. I’ve only met the RE once and now deal exclusively with the NPs. Maybe that will change if I switch to IVF. I do think he reviews the charts though, because twice the nurses have told me to do something and then called later and said the doctor wants to handle things differently.

    I’m sorry that S is gone when you are feeling so bad!

  5. With my first RE I saw him for EVERY IUI, but the ultrasound tech, and lab techs did my blood work and such.

    RE #2 I saw twice–once at my initial consult, during my surgery, and then the day of my miscarriage when I got my methotrexate shot. Needless to say, I am on to RE #3!

  6. Hi Boo boo,

    I am sorry you are so crampy. Have you considered a nice glass of bourbon? I mean,what the hell right?

    I have seen my RE twice since we started going there. Once for the initial consultation, and once after all our tests were done. In between I see the women that draw my blood, and the Wand Queen. I also see one person after each wand session to discuss my eggs or mostly lack of eggs.

    We have a third appointment with my RE on Jan 5 to discuss if I have improved from these two months of medication and what our next step is.

  7. I am so sorry you are going through this. 😦

    I typically see my RE every other visit now. His practice is a lot larger than when we went for #1. He is one of those Drs that calls personally etc. However, this time around I do see more of his NP & technicians BUT they always refer to him before making any changes with medications etc. He still knows what is going on with me. As far as growing more mature eggs my Dr (i realize this is his opinion but it worked for us before) uses FSH and a LH/FSH my cocktail is Gonal F and Menopure (use to be Repronex). I take the Gonal alone for the first few days and then midcycle or mid egg growth we add the Menopure which my Dr says helps grow quality and size at a slower rate which according to him slow and steady is better for quality. Quality is always better than quantity in my opinion. Because we do use the LH combo he also has me use Cetrotide to prevent spontaneous ovulation. We do IUI about 16-19 hours after trigger and then do another IUI the next afternoon. This worked for us with #1 and this is what we plan to do again this time. My RE feels strongly about Progesterone as well. I start about 3 days after trigger. I do 200 mg compounded suppositories until about 10-12 weeks depending on my blood work.

    Feel free to contact me if you have any questions about our protocol.

  8. We met our RE once. After spending so much money at his practice (we owed $60.00 out of pocket for each ultrasound…and I would typically have 5 or so because my cycles were so long), and going through 4 failed l.etrazole cycles, I finally called and left him a message. When he FINALLY called back, I said I was not OK with only seeing him once. Then we got to see him all the time. Wonder if we are talking about the same guy…email me if you want hints on how to get someone to notice you there.

  9. I’m sorry that S isn’t there with you to rub your back; what you’re going through is so hard. I don’t have any advice for you on the protocols, etc.

    I’ve only met my doctor once and talked to him on the phone once – it’s always the nurses that I meet with and interact with. But, I think if I needed him he would be available for me.

    Thinking of you!!


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