Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | December 4, 2008

obsess with me

I wrote a post yesterday morning in the airport, and I was too exhausted to bother posting it yesterday, so here it is:

12/4/08

I am on my way home from California. I currently have a 4 hour layover in the Detroit airport, so I thought I’d start working on a post to update from the last few days.

My trip was very nice. Of course it was for a sad occasion, but it was great to see so many people in my huge family. They have decided to wait a few more weeks to have services for Grandpa, so that my cousin who is away at college can be there. No matter that I flew 2500 miles, at a good expense, to be there the week after grandpa died. They all keep saying, oh, are you coming back for the memorial? Um, probably not, unless somebody else wants to pay for my ticket. I’m here now, people. What I didn’t say was that if things go well, I may be able to. If things do not go well, I will be in the middle of monitoring for the next cycle, so there is no way.

Yesterday, my sister and I had a lovely spa day. She works at a world class hotel and spa, and had a free massage coming to her, and I had a gift certificate that I got for my bridal shower last spring, so we scheduled them for yesterday. There was no one at the spa. Just my sister and I. We had four pools to ourselves. It was glorious. We ordered some food, soaked in the nice hot springs fed pools, relaxed in the relaxation room, drank tons of cucumber water, took showers in the most lovely showers ever, and got fantastic massages. I think it was one of the best days of my life. It was so relaxing, and it was exactly what I needed. I made sure not to go in the really hot pool or the steam room.

So, my symptoms- I have the sorest breasts ever. I have never experienced this kind of soreness, and I now understand when women say they can’t stand to be touched in the slightest. Oh my god. It’s probably just high levels of progesterone, but I can’t help but hope it means something. My back aches, I’m hot all the time (does that count?), I’m bloated, and I am exhausted. I slept for ten hours the other night, and could have taken a nap mid morning. I have felt a bit sick to my stomach, and I can’t eat all that much. Of course that could very well be due to the massive amount of bloating and fluid I’m still retaining from mild hyperstimulation. I have gained a good 7 pounds since the start of this cycle. My socks leave indentations on my legs, my rings barely fit.

These could be good signs, or they could mean absolutely nothing. I’m starting to get a bit more invested in a good outcome. Up until now, I’ve been just kind of observing how I feel, and now that I have so many typical symptoms, I’ve been letting myself get my hopes up.

The last three nights I have had baby dreams of some sort. In one of them, I had two babies, and I realized that I hadn’t fed them for a day and a half. I felt awful, but they weren’t crying or anything. Then my dad was in the dream (dreams with my dad in them are rare and welcome), and he took a bottle and filled it up with pasta. I tried to break it to him gently that I didn’t think that was going to work very well, because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Then I found a can of powdered formula, but there were no instructions on how much water to add to how much formula, so I just mixed up what I thought looked right. I felt so bad, like I did not deserve these babies.

I am a little worried, because I flew on the red eye last night, and got hardly any sleep. This man one row up and over one was snoring very LOUDLY. I could not fall asleep, even though I was exhausted. It was a five hour flight, and now I wait for four hours, have another one hour flight, and then I get home. I hope that I haven’t stressed my body too much with lack of sleep and prevented implantation.

It will be nice to be home and see S and the cats. It was so nice and warm in California though. I wore skirts! And sandals! And short sleeves! Now it’s back to snow and ice.

Today I am 9dpo. I didn’t test because I’ve been on planes and there was no first morning urine to speak of. I didn’t temp either. Oh, I had a dip on 7dpo, which could theoretically be an implantation dip.

God, I’m sitting in the airport fighting the urge to cradle my sore breasts. But that would be inappropriate. I guess I’ll go into the bathroom and feel myself up.

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Responses

  1. I feel myself up all the time. My boobs get more action from me checking for soreness than they get from my husband. I check the twins constantly. Now that I know about veins being a pg sign I look at them in the shower too.

    sigh.

    celia

  2. I’m glad you were able to visit with family and have a nice relaxing day at the spa! It’s such a treat…whenever I’m getting a massage I swear to myself that I need to do it more often, but then back in the real world it’s just not a priority.

    What part of CA were you visiting? We’ve had nice weather lately (although chilly for us!).


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