Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | November 29, 2008

my aunties

I have officially failed my unofficial challenge to myself, that I just made in my previous post, to post every day through the end of November. I managed to post before leaving for the airport. But yesterday, I was exhausted, there were so many people to see, so much to do, and battling my mom’s wonky internet access was more than I could handle. I can’t get my laptop on her wireless connection, so I am stuck sitting on the floor in the room full of shit, hooked up by a 3 foot long cord to the actual comcast modem. It’s rather uncomfortable and dark.

I spent yesterday afternoon and evening with my mom and two of my aunts at my grandpa’s house. It wasn’t really planned, we just all gravitated there, and ate through a box of clementines while talking about Grandpa. We sat there while his cat, a crazy badass cat who liked sleeping in bowls and other odd places, wandered in and out of the house. It was so sad. The cat would come to the back door and want to come in, then he’d walk around the house, then want to go back out. Over and over. He is so confused. My grandpa’s dog has already been taken by my uncle to go live in a town two hours away. I was really bummed, because I wanted to see his dog again and talk to him and shower him with love and thank him for being Grandpa’s companion over the past eleven years. Grandpa would have died years ago if it wasn’t for his dog. He lived for his animals, and they brought him so much joy and love.

We looked at pictures, watched some family videos, and the aunt who was with him when he died shared with us how his final moments happened. It was so nice to sit there, in comfort, just the four of us, and talk. It wouldn’t have been possible had the men in the family been around. It’s so nice to be able to talk and share our experiences of being the ones who comfort. When Grandpa got confined to the hospital bed and was comatose, my uncles were really uncomfortable, apparently. They didn’t know what to do or say, or how to sit with him. I’m so glad my aunt was with him when he passed. She told us how she talked to him for four hours, just sat there sharing her memories, and singing to him, and how he peacefully took his last breath.

Oh, and when we were watching a video of my Grandpa’s birthday five years ago, there was a snippet of my dad talking about how much he respected my Grandpa. It was shocking to see his face and hear his voice again. My dad has been dead for three years, and my memories of his voice and face are fading a little. I didn’t know that even existed. We don’t have very many videos with my dad in them, so this was really special to see. My mom and I immediately burst into tears.

My mom wants me to work on Grandpa’s obituary. She seems to think I’m some great writer (I’m clearly not), and it is very important to her that his obituary be very personal and detailed. I know it needs to be done, but it’s hard. I don’t know many details about his life or the timeline of it even, so I don’t know what she wants me to do.

As for reproductive news, I have been testing to see when the trigger is gone, and gosh has it been fun to see those two pink lines, but I was expecting it to take the normal 7-10 days to leave my system. I was using my internet cheapie tests and yesterday morning, 4 days post trigger, it was negative. Seriously? The nurse used the Ovidrel prefilled syringe, so I’ve been googling and all I can come up with is one woman who was negative after 6 days. So, being the anxious control freak that I am, I go and spend $35 on FRER (two boxes of two tests, one digital, one regular). I peed on a digital one yesterday afternoon. Negative. Then I thought well maybe my pee was too dilute. Or maybe the digital isn’t as sensitve. So I peed today with first morning urine. Negative. Am I a freak? Did I just metabolize the trigger really fast? My temps are up, which seems to confirm ovulation. The last two days they have been way up, but that’s just because my mom keeps her house about ten degrees hotter than we keep our house. I guess it’s nice to know that the trigger is out of my system, but I’m a little concerned with how quickly it was gone.

I am 4 dpo today.



  1. Wow, your visit is sounding so special. Hearing about your grandfather’s life and passing, seeing the video of your dad. I hope a kitty loving relative can adopt his cat.

    I always feel somewhat ashamed of the fact that I don’t know much about my grandparents and wished I knew more.

    I can relate to the video experience. One time, me and one of my friends were going through old video tapes (probably looking for one to record over) and we played this one tape… my family had forgot about the year we took the video camera to Thanksgiving. There playing on the tv was grandma and grandpa still alive telling us to turn off the camera. Everyone had been talking and making noise and we all just stopped whatever we were doing and watched the tv. It was strange. I don’t think my friend understood what was going on, but she knew to be quiet while we stared.

    Hope you enjoy the rest of your visit and that you have an embryo implanting! Don’t worry about the trigger, I’m sure it’s fine. You saw the strips turn positive and that’s what’s important. They probably just say it takes that long because it will for a few people and they don’t want early testers to think their pregnant. You’re fine.

    Thanks for the tofurkey info.

  2. A beautiful post. I’m glad you had the time to spend with your family. The image of your grandpa’s cat roaming the house looking for him made me so sad.

    I’ve never tested to see when the trigger has left my body. Do you do it to make sure you ovulated? Or is it so that you know when a HPT is positive for real?

    We aren’t doing another IUI until January. Stinky insurance has a yearly benefit max for IF. With all of the monitoring, it works out roughly to two IUIs. Since we are oop for meds and are doing injectibles, the price would just be too high. Sad.

  3. I have no clue on that one. But maybe different womens bodies hold onto the drugs differently?

    That is so sad about your grandpa’s cat.

    I am glad that you were able to spend the time with your family while still taking care of your cycle.

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