Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | November 25, 2008

fights and lost sleep

We always argue at the worst times, when we should be on the same page and happy. For example, the night before our wedding, S and I got into an argument. I was frantically trying to get last minute crap dealt with at my mom’s house, and he was tired and wanted to go to our hotel. He got grumpy and I got all sad that we were having conflict the night before the supposed best day of our lives, and there was crying and snot in our beautiful, expensive hotel room. We ended up working it out and a good night of sleep helped and our wedding day was great. However, the memory of fighting the night before our wedding puts a bit of a shadow on the whole thing. Happy couples shouldn’t fight about stupid shit. Or is that totally normal? I don’t know. I just know that I don’t like conflict. It makes me cry. I feel like the whole world is ending.

When S got home from work yesterday, I could tell he was out of sorts. Work was crappy, he was extra stressed out, and hungry. I was online trying to book my flight to California because my grandpa died. He wanted to go out to eat and was frustrated with how long it was taking me. I was calling my sister and mom to see if they could pick me up from the airport two hours away on Thanksgiving day, wondering if this cheap flight only three days away was too good to be true. Finally, I bought my ticket and we went out to eat.

I was so happy about the maturing follicles and knowing we were doing the IUI tomorrow. I was in a good mood for the first time in a week. He starts talking like he doesn’t know if he can be there at the IUI. Work is crazy, everyone is on vacation, blah blah. At first, it didn’t bother me. I tried to be the independent woman who doesn’t care about those types of things. I can fix a flat tire by myself, I can drive across the country by myself. I can get inseminated alone. But then I started thinking about all the husbands waiting at the RE with their wives, probably for various kinds of appointments, and it made me sad. Would I be lonely? I really wanted him to be there. I wanted him to be holding my hand when they do the IUI. But if being there would stress him out because of having to get out of meetings at work, would I want him there? How can he think it’s okay for him not to be there when our kids are conceived? Is my husband really a heartless asshole?

I was on the phone much of the evening, trying to work out travel plans, consoling my mom and aunt who don’t know what to do with themselves after taking care of grandpa for five years. S was grumpy and I was stressed about talking to him about how important it is that he be there tomorrow at 11:15. I wanted to know what the plan was, which of us would drop the sample off. He was pissed off and silent. Finally we went to bed, with no goodnight kisses, which NEVER happens. I started crying. We had a big fight about him being there for the IUI, how frustrated he was because I told him the IUI would probably happen Wednesday and he moved his meetings around to accomodate that but now it’s Tuesday, how he never gets enough sleep because we go to bed too late (what does that have to do with anything?). I started sobbing thinking great this is all I need, to be all stressed out and not calm and relaxed for our first IUI, that it’s never going to work. He thinks I don’t understand how hard his job is, how he doesn’t want to get fired because then what the hell would we do. I yell back that I find it hard to believe that he would get fired for taking an hour off work to be there for his wife’s medical procedure. Yes this week is stressful for him because everyone else is on VACATION. WITH THEIR FAMILIES. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO THEM. THEY put their families first.

After a lot of crying, and after him apologizing for being an asshole sometimes, we got back to being okay. I still didn’t sleep well, and I’m worried that my uterus will be hostile because I’ve been stressed out. He is generally a great guy, but sometimes, at the worst times, he can be a temporary asshole. I pointed that out to him as we were falling asleep, and he said, “well, if I picked better times to be an asshole, I wouldn’t be an asshole.” I had to admit that was a good point.

I’m leaving now to go to the RE. Wish me luck. I’ll update later on how the IUI goes.

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Responses

  1. I’m so sorry you had a rough night. I guess I can see both sides of it, that you want him to be there with you, but he’s feeling the stress of work, too.

    Hopefully you’re able to work everything out. And, for the record, I work with couples about to get married and I would say a huge percentage do fight right before the wedding. It’s just such a stressful, emotional, overwhelming event.

    Good luck at the RE

  2. I can totally understand where you’re coming from. My husband and I don’t fight a whole lot, but when we do, it’s big blowout fights. Dealing with infertility causes so much stress, it’s difficult not to let things get to you sometimes. I’m sorry to hear about your grandpa, but glad that everything went well with your IUI. I hope the TWW passes quickly for you and you have a positive outcome at the end of it.


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