Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | November 23, 2008

goodbye grandpa

My grandpa died this morning. It was fairly expected. He has been sick with various ailments for five years. Towards the end of this week he began deteriorating rapidly. He wanted to die. He kept saying things like “I’m ready to go, anytime.” and “I want to see what’s on the other side”. He was the only grandparent that I ever really knew. My grandma (his wife) died when I was five, so I only have a few memories of her. My dad’s mom died during childbirth when my dad was three. My dad’s dad lived out of state and I only saw him a few times, so Grandpa was pretty much my only grandparent. I wouldn’t say we were close – he had a dozen grandkids and never got super involved in any of our lives, but he was always there, always present.

The last time I saw him was in May, the day after our wedding. Things had been crazy the week before the wedding and I hadn’t made it to visit him during the week. He did not go to our wedding. I guess he was not feeling well. He didn’t really like to leave the house, so I’m sure it would have been a pain for one of my aunts to dress him up and drag him to the wedding. My feelings were a little hurt, since we decided to have the wedding in my hometown, particularly because we knew Grandpa could not travel, but whatever. S and I stopped by his house on our way out of town on our honeymoon. I’m not entirely sure he knew who I was. We stayed for about fifteen minutes, until I could tell he was getting tired. I hugged his frail, tiny body, knowing full well that it might be the last time I would see him. And it was.

Now I have a dilemma. I can’t just drop everything and fly out there right away. I have my ultrasound tomorrow to see if we can finally trigger ovulation and do the IUI on Tuesday or Wednesday. The earliest I could fly out there would be Thanksgiving day, and I don’t really want to be away from S on Thanksgiving. We plan to cook our Tofurkey and have a simple dinner, just the two of us. I don’t know what arrangements are being made for services yet, but there is a good chance that I won’t be there until the weekend. Most of my family does not know about our fertility treatments, and I’m a little worried that they will think I’m being selfish by not dropping everything and coming out right away. Then there’s the crazy part of me that wonders if air travel and being around my crazy family could jeopardize implantation or something. Are there any restrictions on air travel after IUI? I do want to visit, even if it’s the following week, and be there to help my mom and my aunts, who will be particularly upset by his passing. But I don’t want to screw up our chances. Am I being crazy?

In general though, I’m feeling pretty good. Tonight was hopefully the last night of 150 IU of follistim. Hopefully we can trigger tomorrow. Please please please have grown, follicles! Now is not the time to be lazy. I did get lots of sleep, I listened to the relaxation music, I did work on the baby blanket for our friends, and I think I was a little nicer to the husband. Oh, and we bought TWO tofurkeys! Weekend goals accomplished.

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Responses

  1. I am so sorry.

    Alright, now here is my advice. There will be plenty of people there now. It will be crazy.

    Take care of your cycle and see what your doctor advises. We all know stress most surely can effect these things.

    They most likely won’t have the burial till after Thanksgiving anyway. The earliest they could probably do it is Wednesday.

    Do not feel guilty. If you go up later you can probably be more helpful anyway. Because someone is going to have to help send notes and begin clearing things out.

    I think some of the most lonely times for people are the days AFTER the funeral, when others go back on with their lives and there is still the huge amount of work that is involved in someone dying

    celia.

  2. I’m sorry to hear about your grandpa. Even though his passing is sad, it sounds somewhat comforting (I hope that doesn’t sound weird, it’s just when it’s our time that’s it and let it be a painless as possible).

    Can’t comment about travel restrictions, but it can be really nice getting to see family once more. Last time I saw most of my Dad’s family was when my grandpa died and that was almost 10 years ago. It would be nice to see some of them again, but I doubt I will. We didn’t even get together when my grandma died the next year. Can you tell my family isn’t that close?

  3. I’m so sorry about your grandfather, and also for the rest of your family who are greiving. I had the same type of relationship with my grandfather, and when he passed I didn’t attend his funeral. I had a long-planned trip for a friends wedding, and it just seemed like the best thing to do (for me).

    The rest of my family was totally supportive, and I tried to do special things (I spent a lot of time producing and printing up nice programs for the service, with photos and memories from family members). I agree with celiadelia that you can definitely be a help and comfort at the tail-end of events and helping with all the things that come after the funeral.

    Maybe a way to think about it is, if your grandfather knew what you were going through, wouldn’t he want you to do what is best for you and S and your family?

    Best wishes, I’m sure whatever you do will be right.

  4. I am sorry for your loss and your dilemma.

    I agree with Celia and maybe you could say you have tests booked in and just not specify.

    I wish you all the best what ever decision you make.
    ICLW

  5. PS it was very hard to log in to comment – but it gave my backup blog…when I finally got logged in.
    No worries but

    here is my main blog

    Here from IComLeavWe… (adoption,pregnancy loss, IVF twins)
    My Little Drummer Boys

  6. i’m so very sorry.. and i’m sorry for the travel conflicts.. (we nearly had that here since my DH’s mom died right before our FET).
    good luck deciding..

    oh and totally inappropriate for me to mention here, but i wanted to let you know that i posted the chickpea cutlet recipe for you here.

    HUGS!


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