Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | November 13, 2008

apologies to my mother

I’m a bitch. I’m a terrible bitch. It turns out that my mom did not tell the family members about our infertility. Somehow the aunt and uncle put two and two together and just figured it out, based on the reasons I gave for not traveling to their wedding last month. The way my uncle’s wife brought it up to my other aunt (who does know about our troubles) was odd, and she even said that my mom had told my uncle. I think she figured it out and was trying to fish for a way to confirm their suspicions. My mom swore that she didn’t remember telling anyone, but I didn’t believe her because she is notoriously terrible with keeping secrets. Anyhow it’s a long, stupid, boring story, but my mom did not betray my trust after all. I called her and apologized this afternoon. I should not have assumed that she did it. I’m still not thrilled about them having ‘figured it out’. I hope they are kind enough not to tell the entire family about it.

Project Positive is going okay. It’s easy to be excited currently because, whoa, I start injections tomorrow night! 75 IU of follistim for five days. I’m sure I’m going to be nervous when I do the first shot, but I’m also so excited to be trying something that is going to directly ooze over to my ovaries and yell “WAKE THE FUCK UP, BITCHES!” I’ve watched every possible you tube video of people using the follistim pen. I fully expect to work myself up into a crying mess before being able to stick the needle in, even though I probably won’t even feel it.

Even though this cycle is going to cost us an arm and a leg now that insurance won’t cover any ultrasounds or bloodwork, I’m thinking of scheduling a massage next week. The one thing that I’m very good at is worrying, and if it helps to keep me a little less anxious, then it’s totally worth it. Hell, it’s half the cost of one ultrasound. Since S didn’t really get me a birthday present, maybe I can jusitify it as a late birthday gift. It’s not that S is a thoughtless clod or anything, but he couldn’t come up with anything to get me, and I wasn’t helpful with any suggestions other than fertility related stuff, which he said is not a birthday kind of gift. I did buy myself some new yarn for some knitting projects, and a new bird feeder.


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