Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | October 24, 2008

selling out for money?

I had an odd situation happen earlier this week and I’ve been mulling it over in my head for a few days before deciding to write about it. Basically, a family member who knows about our infertility problems offered to give us money towards the next cycle, but with strings attached. Essentially the money (I don’t know the exact amount, probably a few hundred dollars) was left over from a family function, and my relative thought that if I was willing to tell the others who had contributed this money for this family function about it, that they would be happy to give the money to us to help defray the costs of this cycle. Now, I never thought I would turn down a monetary gift to help pay for the treatments, but I had to. I am not comfortable with telling more people at this point, and that would have had to come out if I had accepted the money. A few hundred dollars is not worth the stress and pain that could come from stupid comments from people. I’m already having problems with my sister and mom treating me differently now that they know, and they don’t know what to say. If no one else had to know, I’d have taken the money in a heartbeat. Would you take money with strings attached?

I have a birthday coming up, and the in laws keep asking what I want. I want a baby. I need treatments and medication. They have said they want to help however they can, but haven’t mentioned financial help. Would it be lame for me to ask for a vial of follistim for my birthday? Really, I don’t need more crap floating around our house. We are overcrowded already, and that’s before any potential baby stuff. I know they are excited about the idea of grandchildren now that we’ve told them we are doing fertility treatments. The other night we went to dinner with them, and all my father in law could talk about were random babies he met this week, and a very pregnant coworker thinking she was going into labor. I know they don’t know what to say, but really, a reasonable person might think ahead and realize that talking about how cute random babies are might upset the infertile couple.



  1. Hi,

    Thank you for the lovely comment. I have not taken money outright- yet. I have accepted gifts of relaxation. My sister has given me a pedicure and she and my mother are paying my way on their trip to a spa this weekend.

    You might consider asking for gift certificates for acupuncture or a massage. Stress relief is proven to help infertility treatments. So your family could give you something that might be out of your budget currently but would help tremendously.

    I asked for a bird feeder from my dad for my birthday, because it is so pleasant to watch the birds out our window. And it is hysterical to watch our cats stalk the birds and then realize there is a DOOR keeping them away from the delicious birdies.

    So we have not been offered money yet, we have been able to pay for everything with some intense budgeting on our part. We are just hoping everyone will understand that our Christmas presents might be ummm lacking this year.


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