Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | October 13, 2008

so disappointed

Today is cd 14, and I had a follicular ultrasound this morning. It showed nothing. No good follicles for the second cycle in a row. I’m not responding to the 150 mg of clomid. I fought back tears as the nurse said that my lining was still thin and there were only a bunch of little follicles. Two fucking months in a row. I’m so angry at my body for not responding to this medicine. I’m so angry at the RE for not changing things up more. I wanted to try Femara, but he prefers clomid, saying that Femara is weaker. Should I have pushed to try Femara?

This was my first ultrasound at my RE’s office, and I have to say I was horrified by the ancient ultrasound machine. Even my gynecologist’s office has several nice newish ultrasound machines, and this one was a piece of crap. The nurse wasn’t very nice or understanding how disappointed I was. This means that I’ve had two anovulatory cycles on clomid since July. I haven’t even had a chance to conceive after my yucky HSG in August. Maybe my ovaries have revolted since the HSG. I had been ovulating. I don’t get it.

I asked if I could take more clomid this cycle, or start injectables now to boost things along, but she said no, that I was to wait for a period. I pointed out that I don’t have periods without provera (if I haven’t ovulated on clomid). She said to keep taking the estrace for another week, then to stop and wait a week for a period, then call for provera. We will then start on injectables. I don’t know whether to be excited or scared. I am mostly scared because it’s one step closer to having to do IVF, and I have no idea how we will pay for that.

I canceled my trip to California for the wedding for nothing. I should have known that my body wouldn’t cooperate. S has said several times that we can’t put our life on hold for ttc. But how can you not? I was going to be gone during the time that I’d need to do the IUI, and with his morphology issue, we need to do that. He wants to plan a trip somewhere in the next few months, but I don’t know when a good time is because I don’t respond normally. I really need something to look forward to, but doing injectables is going to require even more monitoring. How do I plan ahead for a good week to be out of town?

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