Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | October 10, 2008

telling more people

What have I done? All along I told myself that I wanted to keep this quiet and tell the minimal number of people possible. Then after 7 months of failed clomid cycles, we told his parents. I told my aunt. Now I have told my mom and sister, both of whom are terrible at keeping secrets.

How did this happen? Well, my sister somewhat guessed and I felt like I had to tell her. She called me right as I was leaving the RE’s office almost a month ago. She asked what I was doing, and I said that I was just leaving the doctor’s office. She straight up asked me “Are you trying to get pregnant? Because I know you and I know you might not say anything, but I hope you would tell me when you get pregnant, even if it’s early and you miscarry, because if that happens you’ll need support and I can be there for you.” I hesitated for about twenty seconds and said “Maybe.” I kind of told her that we were indeed trying to get pregnant, but I didn’t tell her about our infertility battle.

I finally told her the whole story last week. I told my mom too. I had to let them know that I was canceling my trip to California, and I knew they wouldn’t buy the excuse that I have a cold. I didn’t want to tell everyone in my huge family, because I cannot handle dozens of people asking me questions and giving assvice, but I think I needed a few people to know, because it’s getting harder and I need support and understanding. It was getting difficult to put on a happy voice on the phone when I’ve had yet another bfn, or a disappointing ultrasound. I was avoiding phone calls and hiding. Now I’ve told 3 people in my family, and his parents. It’s scary, because I know my mom is terrible at keeping quiet about anything. She has sworn that she knows how big this is and how private we are and that she will not say a word to anyone. I want to believe her, but my sister has already told me a few comments she made that were odd in front of other family members, like about how I’m such a private person. WTF? Why can’t she keep her mouth SHUT.

I suppose I should prepare myself for when she slips and tells people. I just hope to god I get pregnant soon so I don’t have to deal with everyone in my extended family knowing that I’m infertile.



  1. I know everyone is different in dealing with IF, but I hope that you are able to get some support from your family now that you told them. My husband and I have decided to tell everyone we know about our struggles so that we can have much support, love and prayers thru a difficult time. Hopefully that will make it a little easier and also stop everyone from asking when we are going to give our son a brother or sister.

  2. So far, all 5 people we have told have been supportive. There is a part of me that wants to be honest and tell everyone about our infertility, but there is another huge part of me that wants to protect myself from all of the stupid comments people make. I’m a very private person to begin with.

  3. I know that in the telling, it all became real. I found that when we were pursuing IF treatment, I’d tell everyone – particularly those people who didn’t really know us (i.e., hairdressers, etc…). Now that we’re on to adoption, I kind of do the same thing. I don’t want to be ashamed of our journey and want to embrace it.

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