Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | September 27, 2008

telling his parents

After many false starts over the past two weeks, we finally told S’s parents tonight. Every time we have gone to see them or have dinner with them, I’ve said “okay, let’s tell them tonight”, and every time something has come up. We didn’t want to talk about it in a restaurant, or in the car, so we determined we should tell them at either our house or theirs. Last night, we picked them up for dinner, so that we could talk after dinner at their house. We went inside, and sat there awkwardly for ten minutes, until I got up to leave. In the car, I asked S why he didn’t start the conversation. He said “I wasn’t sure if you were ready, you’ve said you were ready ten times before, so I was waiting for a sign from you!” We had given each other a look when we got in the car and I had nodded so I thought I had made it clear.

Anyhow, during the non-conversation with the parents the night before last, it came up that S’s stepbrother (from a town 3 hours away) was coming to town and was having lunch with them the next day. This is the stepbrother who got engaged right after us and had their wedding a month after ours. On our way home, I convinced myself that his new wife is pregnant and that they were going to make the announcement tomorrow at lunch. I had worked myself up about it, and S was getting irritated with me, saying that what his stepbrother does or does not do has no effect on our life. But it does. It’s a competition. It’s always a competition. Who will produce the first grandchild. Then I got all mad that we didn’t tell his parents last night, because really, once they announce their pregnancy, all everyone will care about is them. And how would we tell them? How would the conversation go?
The In-laws: “Great news, X and X are having a baby!”
Us: “Oh, good for them. We’re infertile.”

That would be awkward. And stupid. Tonight, we had dinner with them again, and had prearranged signals. If S’s stepmom said anything about her son’s wife being pregnant we would postpone telling them about our infertility. After dinner, when we got to their house, S said, “We like to come in. We have something we’d like to talk to you about.” We could tell they were hopeful, so S quickly said “It’s nothing to get excited about, don’t worry.”

And then we told them. It was awkward and weird and comforting and a relief all at the same time. They took the news pretty well. S started by explaining his problems first, then we talked about mine. I told them about our treatment options, and what we’ve already been going through. I found it quite awkward to be discussing our intimate details and using terms like “insemination”, “timed intercourse”, and “transvaginal ultrasound”. Damn, just saying the word “sperm” in front of my in laws was painful. They asked a lot of questions, and we answered them. They thanked us for telling them. We left with hugs and them saying they’d pray for us.

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