Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | August 25, 2008

parent’s anniversary

Today would have been my parents’ 35th wedding anniversary, but my dad died almost three years ago. Wow. That seems so impossible, that it has been three years since he died. It seems like a few months ago.

He died suddenly and unexpectedly. He had a stroke and was in a coma for a week before we made the decision to remove him from life support. I don’t think I have the energy to go into the story now, but the short version is that he suffered the stroke at home, alone, while my mom was at an appointment. He called 911 from the cell phone I had just gotten for him a few months earlier, but couldn’t speak, so the paramedics were not able to find our house for over an hour. My mom, sister, and I all got to the emergency room in our small town hospital quickly and spent the worst five hours of our life, watching him be in excruciating pain, unable to speak, but totally conscious, while the bleeding in his brain became catastrophic. He began vomiting and eliminating uncontrollably. The nurses and lone ER doctor were terrible. I began screaming for them to give him something for pain. The fear and pain in the eyes of my strong dad broke my heart, and subsequently, my faith in god (but that’s another story). I’m not trying to be dramatic when I say that it was absolutely brutal, but I am so glad that he wasn’t alone, that while he couldn’t say anything during his last aware moments, he was surrounded by his wife and daughters who got a chance to tell him how much we loved him. I hope that brought him some comfort in the middle of the pain.

So much has happened in my life in the three years that have passed. S flew out immediately to be with me that week. He comforted me, went grocery shopping, made dinner, and impressed my mom by thinking to clean the coffee maker and keep fresh coffee brewing. S lost his mom about ten years ago, to a very rare cancer, so he knew how awful it was for us. Something in the week changed our relationship, and several months later we made the huge decision for me to move across the country to be with him. We had been in a long distance relationship for several years off and on. A year and a half later we got engaged, and now we are married and trying to have babies. I feel like things have finally come together.

The past three years have not been as good for my mom. She has never been very independent. My dad did everything for her – cooked, cleaned, took care of the cars, fixed things around the house. Adjusting to life without him has been a huge shock for her. I know this anniversary is hard. She hasn’t really progressed any since his death. I’m pretty worried about her mental and emotional state. I have been trying to get her to go to grief counseling for years. She’s horribly depressed, and I don’t know how to help her. She has been off work for two years due to an injury, and she does nothing all day but watch tv. She sleeps all day and stays up all night, which she used to do because she was a nurse that worked night shift, but now that she’s not working, she could keep normal hours. I know it’s so hard for her, but she has to somehow find a way to stay interested in life and move on.

Again, another cheery post! Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad. No one in my family knows about this blog, and I hope to keep it that way. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this blog. I haven’t had the nerve to comment on other blogs and leave a link to this blog. I haven’t submitted it to Mel’s Lost and Found Connections new blog listing. I’m a little afraid of people reading it! That sounds so stupid. I have been reading all of these IF blogs for about a year now, and so many of these people are writers for a living, and they write so beautifully and are so funny. I’m a little relieved to check my blog stats and see that I have no comments and no views. I’m taking baby steps though. I finally checked the little box to open my blog to search engines. I wanted to join IComLeavWe this month, but I’m afraid that I’ll fail to come up with good comments. I guess if nothing else, this can be just a private journal for myself documenting our journey to have children.

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