Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | August 12, 2008

looking for happiness

Yesterday morning, after the BFN, I emailed S at work and told him, a little cryptically, that I tested and that it was negative. He called me shortly after that, but didn’t mention it, and I found out late last night as we were going to bed that he had no clue. I told him my stomach hurt, and he said well you are probably pregnant, and I told him that I’m not pregnant. He sounded surprised, and I asked didn’t he get my email. Apparently he hadn’t. Or he had and just didn’t read it correctly.

We had kind of a crappy night. I’ve been trying to clean out our guest room, and S was playing an x box game that I hate, so we didn’t see much of each other. I was in a foul mood, so I went to bed early. My sister happened to call, and she’s excited about a job opportunity, so I talked to her for a while. This morning, I thought I would go for a walk or go to the gym, but I couldn’t get the energy up to do anything but mope. I am not in a good place. I clearly need to develop some better coping strategies, because this could take a long time, and there will always be pregnant women at the grocery store, and pregnant friends and family members. I am becoming so bitter and angry, and I’ve let it take over me. I need to find a way to be some sort of happy throughout this shitty part of my life.

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