Posted by: birdsandsquirrels | June 4, 2008

why i can’t possibly be pregnant…

I can’t possibly get pregnant this cycle. I’m not that lucky. One of our good friends announced their pregnancy to S at our wedding a few weeks ago. She’s seven weeks now, still very early. They didn’t mean to tell him, but he was pestering her about what kind of beer she wanted at the wedding, and she said “well, i won’t be drinking any beer”, and then it all came out. He wisely kept it from me until a few days later. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for them. They are a wonderful couple, who are great parents of an adorable little boy, and they deserve this. But it also emphasizes what we don’t have, and what will be so difficult for us to get. I can’t possibly be pregnant at the same time as our friends.

I can’t be pregnant this cycle because it would mean that we conceived on the last day of our honeymoon. That’s too good a story to happen to me. I can’t be pregnant, because we haven’t struggled enough yet with infertility, like so many of the IF bloggers have. I feel so guilty for being bummed about our situation, when i know so many people have already been through much worse. I can’t be pregnant this cycle, because then I’d be about six months pregnant when we attend a wedding in the fall, and selfishly, I’d love to be pregnant for that, so I’d get to see family and friends back home at that time.

I can’t be pregnant because I’m 12 DPO and have no symptoms – no sore boobs, no nausea, no nothing. I do have to pee a lot, but I have been since starting the clomid, so I am not taking that as a sign of anything. I had a lot of cramping last night, which may mean my period is on it’s way. Who knows. I took a test yesterday and it was negative, and I’ve sworn to myself that I’m not going to test again until Friday or Saturday. Why bother testing every day? it’s just going to be negative, and I’ll get my hopes up and be disappointed.

I can’t possibly be pregnant this cycle because it would just be too good to be true. But then again, when wouldn’t it be?

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