I went to Costco by myself on Friday. I needed contact solution and ended up buying an industrial size container of fresh strawberries because they smelled so good. I ended up nearly throwing up after passing each food sample table they had though. Meat smells and I do not mix, especially not now.

After checking out, I decided to get a frozen yogurt. It was mid day on a weekday, and Costco was dead. I hate going there on the weekend when it’s so busy. Anyhow, I was sitting there at the sticky food court table staring in the direction of the check out area when I saw him. This man looked just like my dad. White hair, white beard, tall and sturdy, and a kind and gentle face. It could have been his twin. He was laughing with the checker about something. And it hit me like a ton of bricks that my dad isn’t here to tell about this pregnancy. He won’t get to read Dr. Seuss books to this kid. He won’t get to teach his grandchild about birds and gardening. And I started crying right there in the food court.

My dad has been dead for nearly four years. He didn’t get to be at my wedding. My sister walked down the aisle with me. I thought I had mourned the idea of him missing out on grandkids, but the physical pain of it hit me today all at once. My dad was awesome. I miss him so much.