Last weekend, S and I spent a lot of time at our hospital’s childbirth preparation class. I wish I could say it was helpful. It was actually quite irritating. First of all, being in a room with ten other pregnant couples nearly gave me a panic attack. It seems that many of the babies were surprises, and it made me feel resentful of having to go through all that we did to get here. Who knows, maybe one or two of the other couples struggled to conceive as well, but nobody talked about it. I always wondered if the pain of IF would go away once (if) we were able to conceive, but no. I still feel like a freak, and I’m angry that I have been nervous and anxious throughout this pregnancy, unlike the blissfully ignorant couples around us those days.
The couple we got paired with aren’t due until the end of February, and they finished their nursery months ago. She seemed shocked that we weren’t ready still, and it was all I could do to not to make some comment that something could still happen and the baby could die, because it happens, babies die. Shit happens. Bad things happen to good people. But really, there was no reason to ruin her day.
The instructor was a very nice woman, but she repeated things over and over and over. She would talk about something, we would watch part of a video, and then go over everything again, AND AGAIN, as if we were idiots. I understand that different people learn differently, but this was ridiculous. It might have been informative if you were an alien from another planet who had no idea how humans give birth. When people did ask questions, it became clear that she really didn’t know much. She was very clearly anti-epidural, while trying to sound like she had no opinion either way.
S missed watching the football game and was in a bad mood and constantly checking his blackberry for score updates. We debated not going back after lunch, but we had our pillows and blanket in the room. It would have been more useful and less waste of time if they would just let you borrow or rent the dvd that they show. That was the only informative thing for me. I wanted to see actual gory birth, the stuff they don’t show on A Baby Story. I wanted to see what delivery of the placenta looked like, and that sort of thing. She didn’t even really go through breathing techniques much. I am very glad we hired our doula!
At almost 35 weeks, I am definitely feeling more uncomfortable, but at the same time, I am not ready for this to be over! I’m getting sad that I only have 5 or so more weeks of being pregnant. I love feeling the baby move. I love that I have been lucky enough to experience this. I don’t know if I will ever get to be pregnant again, and I want to savor every minute left. Even the times when I can barely walk after getting out of bed to go pee for the 6th time that night. Even the sharp pain in my pelvis that I get when I walk up and down the stairs. I’ll miss the waddling and the comfy maternity clothes. I’ll miss this special time preparing for her arrival. Of course, I am so curious about this little person and I can’t wait to meet her too. It’s a strange yet wonderful place to be.
Question – when should I start washing baby clothes? I haven’t washed a single thing. Is it still too early? I haven’t taken the tags off a single item of baby clothing. Everything from the pack n play to the breastfeeding pillow are still in their packaging/boxes. Blankets are still bundled up with tags.
The nursery is still unfinished. Nothing on the walls, no curtains. We have the crib and glider and ottoman set up, but we still need to move a dresser in there and set up the changing area. The closet is packed with my craft and sewing stuff. I should take a picture and post my progress. Maybe I just need some people to be accountable to.
